There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didnt get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, Im sorry buddy we dont serve strings in here. The string walks back to the table and and tells his friends what the bartender said.
Ive been here before and gotten a drink, Ill go get us something to drink, said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender says, I thought I told your buddy we dont serve strings in here. So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened.
The thrid string says Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, You a string? Frayed knot, he replies.
Aman walks inot a bar with a monkey on his shoulder.He steps up to the bar,sets the monkey on the bar,slidesthe peanut bowl ove to the monkey, then orders a beer. While the man is drinking his beer, the monkey takes a peanut,hulls it,looks at it, stickes it up his ass, then eats the peanut. the brtender sees this and tells the man,Hey!Get that nasty animal outa my bar.
What nasty animal?
The man replies. That monkeysays the bartender,Hes hulling those peanuts ,sticking them up his ass, then eating them.
Oh,Hes not being nasty .Hes being cautious.
The man says. How do you figure that?
ask the bartender. Well you see, explained the man,my monkey used to be a gluttion. Then one day a woman gave him a peach, and after passing that pit,now he makes sure it fits befor he eats it
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden, moping.
So God asked him, What is wrong with you?
Adam said he didnt have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
She will always agree with every decision you make.
She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when youve had a disagreement.
She will never have a headache and will freely give you love whenever you should wish it.
Adam asked God, What will a woman like this cost?
God replied, An arm and a leg.
Adam thought a moment and asked, What can I get for a rib?
And the rest is history…
Existen 13 pruebas de que Jesús podrÃa haber sido mexicano:
1.- Fue condenado mientras que el verdadero ladrón fue perdonado
2.- Cuando lo encontraron muerto estaba en paños menores
3.- Sus familiares fueron a visitar su tumba y ya no estaba
4.- Estaba rodeado de pobres y cada dÃa eran más
5.- No pagaba impuestos
6.- Era bueno con las prostitutas
7.- En la última cena con sus amigos no pagó la cuenta
8.- Hizo aparecer más alcohol en una reunión donde sólo habÃa agua
9.- Siempre tenÃa una explicación para todo
10.- Nunca tenÃa un peso en el bolsillo
11.- Fue secuestrado por la policÃa
12.- Fue incomunicado y torturado para que se confesara culpable
13.- Un miembro de su banda lo delató y otro negó conocerlo
Q: How do you know when youre REALLY ugly?
A: Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
186. Wear a silly hat.
Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart.
Most well-trodden paths lead nowhere.
Did you hear about the new Jewish car?
Not only does it stop on a dime, but it picks it up.
Its 1880, the decade of gunslingers and gentlemen. This is a story of one such young man that wanted more than anything to be the fastest and most respected gunslinger in the west.
The place was Dodge City, Kansas in the Sawdust Saloon. The young man walked into the Sawdust Saloon and, to his surprise, saw Wyatt Earp sitting at a table playing poker. The young man walked up to Wyatt and said, Mr. Earp, I would like to be a gunslinger just like you. Could you give me some tips?
Wyatt put his cards down, looked up at the boy and said, Son, I dont usually give out tips like this cause it could someday be detrimental to my health, but step back and let me take a look at you.
The boy stepped back and Mr. Earp said, You look good. Youre wearing black, youve got two ivory handled guns with waxed holsters, and you look like a gunslinger. But whats more important, son, is: Can you shoot?
The young man, happy to show how good he was, quickly drew his pistol from his right holster and without aiming shot the cuff link off of the piano players right sleeve.
Wyatt said, Thats good shooting son, but can you shoot with your left hand?
Before Earp could even finish, the boy had already drawn the pistol from his left holster and shot the cuff link off of the piano players left shirt sleeve. Very proud of himself the young man blew the smoke away from his six shooter and holstered his gun. How was that? the boy asked.
Wyatt smiled and looked up and the boy and said, That was pretty good shooting son. I couldnt do better than that myself, but I do have one good tip for you.
Whats that? the boy asked.
I suggest that you go to the kitchen and ask the cook for a large can of lard. Then take both guns of yours and stick them down deep into the lard.
Puzzled the young gunslinger asked why he should do that.
Earp put his cards down again, leaned back in his chair, and said, Well son, when Doc Holliday gets done playing the piano over there, hes going to take those two guns of yours and. . .
The boy didnt wait for the rest of the answer.