Rich or poor its good to have money.
04
Sep
04
Sep
There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish icefishing. Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win — they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back."A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"
04
Sep
Football Players in the Mist (1990, PG)
Robert Redford plays a man who learns to live among a group of college
athletes in their natural locker-room habitat and to converse with them
in their own primitive language. He struggles desperately to keep
these intelligent creatures from being hunted to extinction by NCAA
academic requirements, until his own career is tragically ended by
predatory lawyers in a recruitment scandal.
(My mom is responsible for the basic idea.)
04
Sep
1. Your potted plants stay alive.
2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to
7.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as dressed up.
10. Youre the one calling the police because those darn kids next door dont know how to turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You dont know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
17. Dinner and a movie – its the whole date instead of just the beginning of one.
18. MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.
19. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
20. A $
4.00 bottle of wine is no longer pretty good stuff.
21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
22. Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi, Ho-Hos.
23. I just cant drink the way I used to replaces Im never going to drink that much again.
24. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
25. You dont drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
04
Sep
If a Stealth bomber crashes into a forest, does it make a sound?
Merlyn LeRoy
More to the point, if Hellen Keller falls in the forest, does she
make a sound?
A: Only if God can make a barber so big he cant shave himself.
04
Sep
A: You have to hollow out the head.
04
Sep
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.
When they arrived at the counselors office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.
What seems to be the problem?
The wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.
After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.
He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the husband, Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!
The husband scratched his head and replied…
I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
04
Sep
A priest, a Buddhist and a rabbi are discussing what each would like to be said at their funeral.
The priest said that he would like someone to say, There is a man who followed the path of Jesus.
The buddist said that he would like someone to say, There is a man who strived for enlightenment.
The rabbi said that he would like somone to say, LOOK! Hes moving!
04
Sep
With all the comments made about the line Youre no Jack Kennedy made
regarding Dan Quayle, my mom thought up a comeback for him.
When someone says that to him, he can say…
At least I got to keep my Marilyn!
04
Sep
Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure its mine?