People who shouldve won this years Nobel Prize

1. Britney Spears & Eminem: Who, combined, have written more books than theyve read.

2. Dr. Phil Mcgraw: Who has managed to convince millions of women to buy his self-help books, despite the fact that his most hight-profile patient, Oprah Winfrey, is an overweight woman with serious commitment issues.

3. Americas Oil Companies: For a lifetime body of work proving that oil and water dont mix.

4. Yasser Arafat & Ariel Sharon: For those 2 consecutive days last March when no Israelis or Palestinians killed each other.

5. Bill Gates: For creating the X-Box and convincing Americans that their children need a $200 video game system during a recession.

6. The Editors of Maxim: For managing to create 300 magazine pages a month using no other subjects besides beer and models.

7. Jared: Of the Subway Sandwich fame, whose claim of losing hundreds of pounds and achieving optimum health by eating nothing but oversized, greasy heroes was questioned by no one.

8. Jennifer Lopez: Who, in conjunction with DuPont, developed a synthetic fabric capable of containing her ass.

9. That 300 Pound Guy: Who always manages to jam himself into the coach seat right next to yours on coast to coast flights.

10. Glaxo: Who has managed to make loose stools a side effect of every one of the drugs it produces.

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