Top 17 fatal things to say if your wife is pregnant:

17. I finished the Oreos.

16. Not to imply anything, but I dont think the kid weighs 40 pounds.

15. Yknow, looking at her, youd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!

14. I sure hope your thighs arent gonna stay that flabby forever!

13. Well, couldnt they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl.

12. Darned if you aint about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.

11. Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, thats gotta hurt.

10. Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!

9. Im jealous! Why cant men experience the joy of childbirth?

8. Are your ankles supposed to look like that?

7. Get your *own* ice cream.

6. Geez, youre awfully puffy looking today.

5. Got milk ?

4. Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney.

3. Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!

2. Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water…

And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant:

1. You dont have the guts to pull that trigger…