Q: How can a pregnant woman tell that shes carrying a future lawyer?

A: She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

Q: How does an attorney sleep?

A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

Q: How many lawyer JOKES are there?

A: Only three — the rest are TRUE.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

Q: If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

A: Skeet.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

A: Senator.

Q: What do you get when you cross a corrupt politician with a crooked lawyer?

A: Chelsea Clinton.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

A: His partners.

Q: What does a lawyer use for birth control?

A: His personality.

Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?

A: Nothing — There are some things even a pig wont do.

Q: Whats the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

1) The lawyer gets frequent-flyer miles.

2) Removable wing tips.

Q: Whats the difference between God and a lawyer?

A: God doesnt think hes a lawyer.

Q: Why does California have the most lawyers in the country and New Jersey the most toxic waste sites?

A: New Jersey got first choice.

-=} Randall {=- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

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