To YOU Im an atheist; to God, Im the Loyal Opposition. –Woody Allen

Impiety: Your irreverence toward my deity. –Ambrose Bierce

If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance will be down. If the weather is extremely good, church attendance will be down. If the bulletin covers are in short supply, however, church attendance will exceed all expectations. –Reverend Chichester

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you dont believe? –Quentin Crisp

Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? –Jules Feiffer

Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and youre going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth. And you should save it for someone you love. –Butch Hancock

Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life. –Andrew Lias

God is dead, but fifty thousand social workers have risen to take his place. –Dr J D McCoughey

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. –H.L. Mencken

When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new
bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord, in his wisdom, didnt
work that way. So I just stole one and asked him to forgive me. –Emo Phillips

She said role-playing games were the creation of Satan. Dead
clever of him. I mean, sitting down there in Hell, working out
all the combat tables and everything. I bet he used to really
swear every time the dice caught fire… –Terry Pratchett, Only You Can Save Mankind

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. –Unknown

I used to be an atheist but I gave it up. No holidays. –Unknown

Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car. –Unknown