[Ed: Winner of one of the 1991 Original Comedy Awards.]

Do these guys at Radio Shack ever get on your nerves, asking you
for a bunch of personal data when youre just there to buy something as
simple as a couple AA batteries? I think we should inconvenience these
people as much as they do us. A while ago I was in Enid buying a printer
cable adaptor and the guy asked me for my name.

Ghosseindhatsghabyfaird-johnson, I replied.

(blank look of confusion)

How do you spell that? he asked, obviously not wanting to know.

With a hyphen, I clarified

Once more? he asked

Ghosseindhatsghabyfaird-johnson

Could you please spell that? he asked, glancing at the half dozen
people waiting behind me.

Oh… just like it sounds, I said nonchalantly.

Putting down Johnson, he went on and asked about the address.

Washburn, Wisconsin, 14701 N.E. Wachatanoobee Parkway, Complex 3,
Building O, Appt. 1382b, I replied.

Almost through writing all this down, I said, Or did you mean
current address?

Stoping, he said, (becoming irritated) Yes. Current address.

Diluthian Heights, Mississippi, 1372 S. Tinatonabee Avenue,
Building 14C, Suite 2, Box 138201, I replied quite slowly.

Waiting until he finished I said, No, wait, its NORTH Tinatonabee
Avenue. Annoyed, he backed up and changed it.

I think, I interjected.

And is all this correct? he asked in a standard manner.

Of course not, I replied, leaving, If you want my REAL name and
address, look at the damned credit card receipt.

A little mean, I must admit, but no jury would convict me… at least,
none that had been to Radio Shack.