01
Apr

Reality checks

I expect to win it. Sit back, put your feet up in front of the TV, relax and enjoy it. Let me do the worrying – thats what I get paid for. – England manager Graham Taylor before the 1992 European championships. England didnt win a game.

I have always found strangers sexy. – Hugh Grant, six months before he was arrested with stranger Divine Brown.

I would not wish to be Prime Minister, dear. – Margaret Thatcher in 1973.

That rainbow songs no good. Take it out. – MGM memo after first showing of The Wizard Of Oz.

Youd better learn secretarial skills or else get married. – Modelling agency, rejecting Marilyn Monroe in 1944.

Radio has no future. X-rays are clearly a hoax. The aeroplane is scientifically impossible. – Royal Society president Lord Kelvin, 1897-9.

You ought to go back to driving a truck. – Concert manager, firing Elvis Presley in 1954.

Forget it. No Civil War picture ever made a nickel. – MGM executive, advising against investing in Gone With The Wind.

Cant act. Cant sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little. – A film companys verdict on Fred Astaires 1928 screen test.

Very interesting, Whittle, my boy, but it will never work. – Professor of Aeronautical Engineering at Cambridge, shown Frank Whittles plan for the jet engine.

There will be one million cases of AIDS in Britain by 1991. – World Health Organisation in a 1989 report. It over-estimated by 992,301 cases.

The Beatles? Theyre on the wane. – The Duke of Edinburgh in Canada, 1965. They went on to produce a string of No 1s.

The atom bomb will never go off – and I speak as an expert in explosives. – U.S. Admiral William Leahy in 1945.

All saved from Titanic after collision. – New York Evening Sun, April 15 1912.

Brain work will cause women to go bald. – Berlin professor, 1914.

Television wont matter in your lifetime or mine. – Radio Times editor Rex Lambert, 1936.

Everything that can be invented has been invented. – director of the US Patent Office, 1899.

And for the tourist who really wants to get away from it all, safaris in Vietnam. – Newsweek magazine, predicting popular holidays for the late 1960s.

Most viewed Jokes (20)