Redneck Genie

A very well-dressed and successful yuppie executive left his office one fine day and there on the sidewalk next to his Porsche was a strangely shaped lamp.

“Maybe a genie will appear if I rub it!” said the yuppie to himself, with a laugh. He rubbed it and sure enough a ten-foot tall genie appeared.

“YOU are a genie?” said the yuppie in surprise.

“Why sure!” said the genie with a grin, as he spat out a stream of tobacco juice. “Now what are yer three wishes, Bub?”

“Well, my name is Andrew, not BUB!” The dapper and confident yuppie smiled and said: “I just landed a million dollar deal; my Porsche and my condo are paid off and my beautiful secretary is going to marry me! I have everything I want! No wishes for me.”

“Sorry, you gotta wish! It’s REQUIRED!” said the genie. “And remember, whatever you wish, ya have to live with! You can’t change anything!”

“Oh, alright!” said the yuppie smugly. “I wish that I will always wear the best clothes, drive the best car and have the best job in the world!”

“Ain’t ya gonna gimme some more details?” said the genie in a confused voice.

“Well, YOU can figure it out!” said the dignified, well-groomed executive with a pompous grin. He straightened his necktie and suit and flicked a speck of dust from his shoes.

“OK! Yer wishes are granted!” said the genie.

The yuppie felt a strange feeling in his feet and looked down: his highly polished $500 Brooks Brothers shoes and silk socks had disappeared; he was now barefoot. Then his $150 silk necktie, matching braces and pocket square, Rolex and cufflinks dissolved before his eyes. Then his blue pinstriped Armani business suit and starched white shirt began to change, finally morphing into a pair of dirty overalls.

“WHAT IS HAPPENING?!” he yelled. “STOP! STOP!”

“Nope!” grinned the genie. “Cain’t stop!”

Then the stunned yuppie saw his Porsche morph into a broken down pickup truck. A moment later, a garbage truck pulled up. As he did, his executive leather briefcase turned into a lunch bucket.

“Get in!” yelled the garbage man who was driving. “Time to get to work!”

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!” roared the former yuppie, who noticed that his thick head of hair had vanished and he now wore a scraggly beard. “Where are my clothes?! I was wearing a two thousand dollar suit! Where is my car! My SHOES! You’ve stripped me of EVERYTHING! And what is that GARBAGEMAN talking about?!”

“That’s yer new job! YOU are a garbage man now – best job there is!” said the genie happily. “And yer gonna have to go barefoot for the rest of yer life now – remember! And yer always gonna drive a pickup truck! No more fancy suits and ties or shiny shoes! Ain’t that great!! You live in a trailer now, and yer married to a waitress named Flo! It’s the best life I know!!”

“Barefoot for the rest of my life! All of my suits gone! A WAITRESS! A TRAILER!” The former well-dressed yuppie yelled as the garbageman dragged him into the truck to start his new life.

The genie shook his head. “You sure ain’t grateful! Next time, don’t ask for wishes from a genie named Bubba!”

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