Old and New Jokes

1. Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

2. Dont imagine you can change a man – unless hes in diapers.

3. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

4. So many men – so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.

5. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put the mall there.

6. Tell him youre not his type – you have a pulse.

7. Never let your mans mind wander. Its too little to be let out alone.

8. The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators cant dance or buy drinks.

9. Never sleep with a man whos named his penis.

10. Go for younger men. You might as well. They never mature anyway.

11. A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump is unquestionably gay.

12. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

13. Women dont make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

14. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.

15. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

16. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

17. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldnt ask for directions.

18. If he asks what sort of books youre interested in, tell him checkbooks.

19. A mans idea of serious commitment is usually Oh all right, Ill stay the night.