Chemical Analysis of Woman (sexist)

Chemical Analysis

Element: Woman

Symbol: WO

Discoverer: Adam

Quantitative Analysis: Accepted at 36 – 28 – 36, though isotopes
ranging from 25 -10 – 20 to 60 – 55 – 60
have been identified.

Occurrence: Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive,
energetic singlet state. Surplus quantities in all urban

Physical Properties: Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at
absolutely nothing, and freezes at a moments notice.
Totally unpredictable. Melts when
properly treated, very bitter if not well used.
Found in various states, ranging from virgin
metal to common ore. Non-magnetic but attracted
by coins and sport cars. In its natural shape
the specimen varies considerably, but it is
often changed artificially so well that the
change is indiscernable except to the experienced

Chemical Properties: Has a great affinity for AU, AG, and C, especially
in the crystalline form. May give violent reaction
if left alone. Will absorb great amounts of food
matter. Highly desired reaction is initiated
with various reagents such as C(2)-H(5)-OH and
sexy aftershave lotions. An essential catalyst
is often required (must say you love her at least
five times daily). Reaction accelerates out of
control when in the dark and all reaction
conditions are suitable. Extremely difficult to
react if in the highly stable pure form.
Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
The reaction is highly exothermic.

Storage: Best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 25 years.

Uses: Highly ornamental. Used as a tonic for low spirits. Used
on lonely nights as a heating agent (if properly prepared).

Tests: Pure specimens turn rosy tint if discovered in raw, natural
state. Turns green if placed besides a better specimen.

Caution: Most powerful reducing agent known to man (income and ego).
Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Specimen must
be used with great care if experiments are to succeed.
It is illegal to possess more then one permanent specimen,
though a certain amount of exchange is permitted.

[Ed: There is a similar one for men which can be found at

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