Signs that the Enterprise is Nearing the End of Its Warranty

Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at 88.
Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
Rust problem in engineering causes support failure– one corner
of warp coil now held up by phone book.
Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with w.
Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
Captains chair must be propped up against screen to keep image
from flickering.
Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling
through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either
side become too steep for crew to climb.
Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2
people on board.
Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop and the ship is
overcome by ten thousand care bears.
Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft
macaroni and cheese.
Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.
Bug in main computer speech processor– computer voice will either
stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.
Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically replaces water in
Wesleys shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.
Ships dryer indiscriminately shreds crews uniforms, and related
problem in fabrication machinery will only produce new clothing
with Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.
Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says
Pretty please with sugar on it.
Riker unable to sleep for 2 weeks when holodeck computer crashes
and loses access to nude volleyball program.
Replacement parts for automatic door to captains ready room are
exhausted and door must be replaced with bead curtains.
Saucer section separates whenever ship makes left turn.

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