– You lose arguments with inanimate objects

-Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

-Your career wont progress beyond senator from Massachusetts.

-You sincerely belive alcohol to be the elusive fifth food group

-That damned pink elephant followed you home again

-The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar

-Every woman you see has an exact twin

-You discover in the morning that you liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared.

-Five beers have just as many calories as a burger, so you skip dinner

-The glass keeps missing your mouth.

-When you go to donate blood, they ask what proof it is

-Mosquitoes and vampires catch a buzz after bitting you

-You believe your only drinking problem is not having a drink right now.

-Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer

-You wake up in the bedroom still clothed, but your underwear is in the bathroom

-Even rednecks have stopped doing jokes about your drinking