Old and New Jokes

Star Trek Carols



Jean-Luc Picard (to the tune of Let It Snow)

Oh, the vacuum outside is endless,

Unforgiving, cold, and friendless,

But still we must boldly go–

Make it so, make it so, make it so!





William Riker: (to the tune of Deck the Halls)

Heres a vexing Christmas riddle:

(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)

Why must I play second fiddle?

(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)

How can I impress Deanna

(Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la)

When Im number two banana?

(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)





Wesley Crusher: (to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen)

Im at Starfleet Academy,

And Id just like to say

I miss the opportunity

To weekly save the day–

To make things worse, I have to be

In some dumb Christmas play!

Yes, Im bright, though Im just a teenaged boy,

Only a boy,

And the Enterprise was my most favourite toy!





Data: (to the tune of Jingle Bells)

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,

Jingle all the way!

Oh, what fun it is to ride

In a one-horse open sleigh–

or so I am reliably informed lacking a subjective

and intuitively perceived referent for the term fun,

I am able only to report the phenomenon as experienced

by others, whose individual perceptions somewhat colour the–

yes, sir.





Worf: (to be to the tune of White Christmas)

Im dreaming of a dead Pakled,

Just like the one in Rec Deck Eight.

They all think theyve hidden,

But this one didnt,

And Im using him as bait.

Im dreaming of a dead Pakled–

Their mental skills are rather lame.

May your foes die sonless, in shame–

And I hope youre wishing me the same!