Tech support in Medieval times

Merlin, Inc. technical support. How can I help you?

Yesterday Ive bought your sword …

Congratulations, sir, youve made the right choice!

It doesnt work.

What does it mean – doesnt work?

It doesnt cut the dragons head.

Have you read the manual, sir?

A noble knight have not to know how to read! But my armour-bearer has read it for me aloud twice.

Well, sir. Have you taken the sword out of the sheath?


Is that really so? Check it again, please.

Ive done it, I say to you!

Okay, sir. Now check the edge sharpness.


You shouldnt do it with your finger, sir.

What thinger? Ive done it with my phongue! I always check a sharp flavour of my dishes like that.

You see, sir, a sword has a bit different construction than your dinner dishes. The term sharp means here …

Im not obliged to know you technical terms! Im a user, not a hardware specialist. Youd better answer why doesnt it work!

Did it work before?

I dont know, Ive bought it only yesterday!

Okay, sir. Have you done anything with it?


Are you sure?

Well, I only took it out of the sheath.

Did you try to grind it yourself?

What for?

You know better, sir. Maybe you tried to install new spells on it?

No, I use the default ones, which are supplied with the sword!

Maybe its the spoiling, sir? How long ago have you updated your holy water?

Ive downloaded the fresh version only two days ago!

I see, sir. Then look if there are unscreened sources of black magic nearby. They may create hindrances for the sword.

What sources?! Im in the desert!

Dont be so nervous, sir.

Im not nervous!

Then why do you pant?

Because the dragon is chasing me!

Oh, so the dragon is near you?

Yes, genius, he is already QUITE near!

Excellent, sir! Give him the receiver.

And what if he bites my arm off?

Sorry, sir, but medical issues are beyond our competence.

Next time Ill buy a sword of Morgana, Ltd.!

Well … okay, sir. Describe at least how the dragon looks.

Well, he is such … yellow … with a red moustache …

Its clear now. You should begin with it. Its a non-licensed dragon, a Chinese counterfeit.


Read the license agreement, sir. Merlin, Inc. doesnt guarantee any compatibility with non-certified devices.

And what shall I do?

Dont use cheap no-name dragons anymore, sir.

Looks like HE is going to use me right now! Aaagh! No! Aaaaarrrgghhh!!!! …

Sir? Sir, are you okay? … Well, in any case, Merlin, Inc. thanks you for your business.

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