Ten guidelines for enlightenment

Some non-Christian (but not unChristian) bits of important wisdom for earth dwellers:

Be a Fundamentalist – ensure that the Fun always comes before the Mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be cancelled. A laugh track has been provided and the reason we are put in the material world is to get more material from that track. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, which will ensure regularity.

Remember that each of us has been given a special gift just for entering, so you are already a winner!

The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. Thats where I tell a vision to you and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we dont like the programming were getting, we can change the channel.

Life is like photography – you use the negative to develop. No matter what adversity you face, be reassured: Of course God loves you…

It is true: As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears and cause a condition called truth decay. Be sure to use mental floss twice a day, and when youre tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in the Swamis Absurdiveness Training Class: DONT GET EVEN, GET ODD.

If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly live like nomads. Thats where I no mad at you and you no mad at me. That way therell surely be nomadness on the planet. Peace begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there. Pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.

I know great earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if youre looking to avoid earthquakes my advice is simple: When you find a fault dont dwell on it.

Theres no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet train the world and well never have to change it again.

If youre looking for the key to the Universe Ive got some good news and some bad news. The bad news: There is no key to the Universe. The good news: It was never locked.

Finally, everything Ive told you is channeled. That way, if you dont like it its not my fault. But remember: Enlightenment is not a bureaucracy, so you dont have to go through channels.

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