The Ant And The Grasshopper (Revised for the 90s)

The Original Version

The Ant busts his rear in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up suplies for the winter. The Grasshopper
thinks hes a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or
shelter so dies out in the cold.

The New Liberal Version

It starts out the same but when winter comes, the shivering
Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant
should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and
starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up and show pictures of the shivering
Grasshopper next to the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled
with food. Americal is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be, in
a country of such wealth that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer
so? Then a representative of the NAGB (The National Association of Green
Bugs) shows up on Night Line and charges the Ant with Green Bias and
makes the case that the Grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of
greenism. Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the Grasshopper and
everybody cries when he sings Its Not Easy Being Green.

Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS
Evening News and tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything
they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he
deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the summer, or as Bill
refers to it, the Termperatures of the 80s. Finally the EEOC drafts
the Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act RETRO-ACTIVE to the beginning
of the summer. The Ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate
number of green bugs, and, having nothing left to pay his Retro-Active
taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. The story ends as we
see the Grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the Ants food while
the government house hes in… (which just happens to be the Ants old
house)… crumbles around him since the Grasshopper doesnt know how to
maintain it. The Ant has disappeared in the snow. On the TV (which the
Grasshopper bought by selling most of the Ants food), Bill Clinton is
standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats announcing that a
new era of Fairness has dawned in America.

Most viewed Jokes (20)