Old and New Jokes

A 55-year old woman is in a coma in the hospital. She isnt doing well at all. Her family is standing by her, waiting for her to pass away. The woman is now seconds from passing away when she sees a light; and a big tunnel. She floates way up high to the other end of the tunnel where she sees God.



I cant believe Im dead, the woman sadly says.





What?!, says God,Your not dead, you wont die untill your 85.





The woman then floats back down the tunnel. She awakens from her coma with joy and happiness from the family. She thinks, Well, if I dont die for another 15 years, and Im in the hospital right now, I can probably do some stuff that I have always wanted to do.





So, the woman gets her hair colored. She lets it grow long; all the way to the ground. She increases her breast sizes. She also had plastic surgery to get all those horrible wrinkles off her face.





A few days later, the woman is ready to leave the hospital. She leaves the entrance, and as she is walking down the street, a car runs over her and kills her. The 55-year old woman floats once again up the tunnel to God.





When she sees Him, she angrily yells, You told me a had another 15 years to live!





God then replies, I didnt recognize you!