This article is excerpted from the e-zine Ooze #4. Ooze is available in macintosh application, text, or nice graphical web version from http://www.io.com/user/ooze/ or from drbubonic@aol.com for subscription or back issue information. (include wether you want mac or text format)

THE BIG SURPRISE

It was a big night out. One of my friends had invited a group of her co-workers and me out to a bar. When I got there I was introduced to an ok-looking Asian girl. She was sort of kooky and had been slamming down the drinks. She entertained the party by demonstrating her ability to put lit matches into her mouth. Amusing, but nothing really out of the ordinary.

Until she grabbed my hand. What are you doing? I asked.

Trust me. She held my fist and extended my index finger, bracing it with both hands. She started guiding my extended finger towards her face.

I thought she was going to insert my finger into her nose to pick some boogers out, but she was guiding my finger towards her eye. Strange, I thought to myself as she poked my finger into her open eyeball, instead of being squishy it was sort of hard.

I thought that was a pretty neat trick to freak someone out by making them touch a hard contact lens. Those are thick contacts, I said.

No, no. Thats my glass eye, and demonstrated the fact by asynchronously twirling it around in her skull. A million questions filled my head.

Were you in the same accident as Sammy Davis Jr.?

Do you have any weird holiday colored eyes?

Are you available for bar mitzvahs?

But, for once, I was floored. I just stared at the wall. I had just touched a glass eye!

I bet soon, once piercing and branding are laughable old fads like bell bottoms, teens will line up to have their very own glass eye. How chic!

Heres a cool party trick you can use to cash in on the Glass Eye phenomenon. If you are at a party and someone drops some glass on the floor smashing it, quickly cover one of your eyes and yell, My Glass Eye! very loudly.

It makes some people really uncomfortable, but most chicks will eventually dig how hip you are to the glass eye phenomenon.