The Famous Enterprise / Road Runner Story

Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

[Ed: By David Wald, unless somebody else steps forward ]

…Let us suppose that the Enterprise is doing some sort of
research mission to an unknown planet. I think the Captains Log would
be worth a look:

Captains Log, Stardate 54324.5: Starfleet Command has directed the
Enterprise to do a preliminary exploration of planet — in advance of a
full research team. Scanners report the atmosphere to be breathable,
but are receiving confusing readings with regard to life forms. I am
beaming down with a landing party composed of all our chief officers
except for poor Scotty.

Supplement: Redshirt Riley has received a head injury, apparently while
exploring under a high rock shelf. He reports only hearing a loud sound
and jumping before being struck. After examination by Dr. McCoy he has
been judged capable of continuing duty.

Supplement: We have encountered an alien creature on this planet.
While it does not itself seem menacing, a unfortunate occurrence took
place when it was present. Specifically, on my orders Lt. Sulu
withdrew his phaser. The creature disappeared leaving a puff of smoke,
immediately following which a loud noise was heard next to Sulu. Sulu
fired, hitting Ens. Chekov. Oddly enough, although Sulus weapon was
set to stun, Chekov was also covered with a black powder similar to
soot. Mr. Chekov has been sent back to the ship for examination and

Stardate 54326.2, Mr. Spock reporting: Tricorder readings indicate that
the creature we encountered earlier is constantly moving at great speed
over the surface of the planet. We have encountered the creature once
again. In an attempt to slow the creature for study, I attempted to
fire on it. The creature, however, appeared to move faster than the
phaser beam. Regretfully, the beam struck an outcropping of rock above
the Captains head, causing it to break off and fall. Although it
appears that several tons of rock fell squarely on the Captain, he was
driven straight into the ground but apparently not seriously injured,
though stunned. The Captain has been beamed up to Sickbay, leaving me
in command of the research party.

Captains Log, Stardate 54342.1: The creature is still at large on the
planets surface. While Mr. Spock continues to lead a research party I am
currently at work with Mr. Scott on an Acme Pressure Cooker for our lab,
for when the creature is finally apprehended.

Captains Log, stardate 54342.3. The strange occurences that have
dogged the landing party since our arrival at this planet have led me to
believe that the creature is in some way directly responsible for them.
Mr. Chekov and I have both been declared fit for return to duty, though
Dr. McCoy has entered in his medical log that he feels we should be kept
under observation. Mr. Spock has constructed a device which he suspects
should be able to counteract the creatures incredible speed as follows:
We have placed a dish of birdseed out in the open, with several signs
pointing to it. The dish is atop a cleverly concealed trap door, which
will open when any weight falls on it. The creature will then travel a
slide, eventually being deposited in a cage constructed of sheets of
transparent aluminum. We will then be free to analyze it at our
leisure. Meanwhile, I have forbidden all beaming down to the surface of
the planet except on my or Mr. Spocks direct order.

Captains Log, supplemental. The plan failed. The creature was indeed
lured by the birdseed, as expected. It sped to the dish, consumed the
bait, and sped off without setting off the trap. Mr. Spock is as
puzzled as I, and has begun tests to discover the flaw in the design. I
have sent out three search parties to see if we can box the creature in,
one headed by Mr. Sulu, one by Mr. Chekov, and one by Sociologist

Captains Log, stardate 54342.8. Sociologist Xontel has been
temporarily incapacitated. In pursuing the creature, he and his men
somehow managed to cross the place where Mr. Spocks trap was set just
as he completed the corrections to it. The trap was sprung, and all
four of my men were suspended for a moment in mid-air, puzzled, just
before they fell into the cage we constructed. We are now trying to
release them with phasers, as the lock was inadvertently smashed by the
impact from Sociologist Xontels foot as he fell. I consider this a
major setback. Mr. Spock considers it fascinating.

Captains Log, stardate 54343.4. In an all-out attempt to stop the
creature once and for all, I have had a phaser rifle beamed down from
the Enterprise. The creature has behaved in an extremely cunning
manner, yet I am unsure whether this is a sign of actual intelligence.
Lt. Uhura has been unsuccessful in her attempts to raise Starfleet
Command. Meanwhile, Mr. Scott informs me that our dilithium crystals
are deteriorating at an alarming rate. He has juryrigged a system that
will prevent the decay for a time, but it is imperative that we find new
crystals soon.

Captains Log, supplemental. Mr. Sulu reports high energy tricorder
readings from an area of the planet in which the creature has not yet
been sighted. He has taken a small party, including Mr. Spock, to the
high-elevation spot from which the readings emanate. I have begun to
analyze the creatures movements. It seems to travel consistently over
a set path. Perhaps we can corner it in a tunnel it seems to pass
through frequently.

Captains Log, stardate 54344.7. Mr. Sulu has located a cache of ACME
dilithium crystals atop a high cliff. Regretfully, while collecting
them, the edge of the cliff broke off, and he and Mr. Spock plummetted
several hundred feet to the ground below. Strangely enough, they both
survived the fall with no more than raising a cloud of dust on impact,
although they did pass the chunk of rock on the way down and end up
completely buried. A rescue excavation has commenced, and they should
be safe shortly.

Captains Log, stardate 54344.9. Mr. Spock has beamed up to the ship
with them to assist Mr. Scott in their installation, as he forsees
compatability problems. Back on the planets surface, Mr. Chekov led
seven men into the tunnel in an attempt to capture the creature in
transit. A loud BEEP, BEEP was heard, and Chekov aimed the phaser rifle
and commanded his men to spread out. I wish to state for the record
that I would have acted similarly, and that Ensign Chekov should in no
way be held responsible for the unfortunate circumstances arising from
the unexpected appearance of an old Earth-style freight train. He has
been beamed back up to the ship with minor injuries.

Captains Log, stardate 54345.1. Dr. McCoy has beamed down with a hypo
containing a mixture of kyranide, tri-ox compound, Scalosian
concentrate, a theragram derivative, and some other items he found in
unmarked containers in Sickbay. By injecting a small amount into each
member of the landing party, I hope to be able to deal with the creature
on its own high speed terms.

Captains Log, supplemental. The latest experiment to deal with the
strange creature has failed. As Dr. McCoy was injecting a measured dose
of the compound, it abruptly appeared behind him and uttered a loud
BEEP, BEEP! Dr. McCoy, understandably flustered, accidentally pressured
in the entire contents of the hypo into his arm. A full security team
is in pursuit of him, waiting for the effects of the drug to wear off.

Captains Log, stardate 54345.2. I have ordered the landing party
transported back to the ship. The new dilithium crystals have been
successfully installed. On my responsibility, the ship is preparing to
engage main phasers to attack the creature, which continues on its
semi-erratic course across the planets surface.

Captains Log, supplemental. This is a warning to all other starships
that may pass this way. Do not approach this planet! The illogical
events occuring here are too much to overcome with simple science. If
you have heard the events transcribed in the rest of this log, you will
learn that this creature is nearly undefeatable. We channelled full
ships power through the phaser banks. Theoretically, the creature
should have been destroyed; however, the energies were too much strain
for the ACME crystals. The full force of the phasers backlashed over
the Enterprise, engulfing her completely. At first, the only noticeable
effect was a complete failure of all systems save emergency gravity and
life support. Then a web of black lines spread through the Enterprises
superstructure. Next, the ship began breaking up, piece by piece,
falling through the atmosphere to land on the surface of the planet.
When the ship had collapsed entirely, my crew was left hanging in space
for a short time, and finally each of us began to fall to the planet
below. We have no theories on how any of us survived, but every
crewmember has reported nothing more than a sense of uneasiness,
followed by the realization that they were several hundred miles up in
the air, a sinking sensation, and then a gradual drop: first the feet,
then the body, and finally the head, usually wearing a resigned
expression of perplexion. We are attempting now to communicate with the
creature in the hopes that it will prove intelligent. Perhaps we can
communicate our peaceful intentions to it. Mr. Spock has constructed a
crude rocket launcher from the wreckage of the ship, and with this we
hope to send the recorder marker up into space, where hopefully someone
will find it. Captain James T. Kirk, of the United Federation of
Planets, Captain of the Starship Enterprise, recording.

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