ITS A GUY THING

Translated: There is no rational thought pattern connected

with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.









CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?

Translated: Why isnt it already on the table?









UH HUH, SURE, HONEY, OR YES, DEAR

Translated: Absolutely nothing. Its a conditioned response.









IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN

Translated: I have no idea how it works.









I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. ITS JUST

THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.

Translated: That girl standing on the

corner is a real babe.









TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOURE WORKING TOO HARD.

Translated: I cant hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.









THATS INTERESTING, DEAR.

Translated: Are you still talking?









YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.

Translated: I remember the theme song to F Troop, the

address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle

identification numbers of every car Ive ever

owned, but I forgot your birthday.









I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU,

AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES.

Translated: The girl selling them on the

corner was a real babe.









OH, DONT FUSS – I JUST CUT MYSELF,

ITS NO BIG DEAL.

Translated: I have actually severed a limb,

but will bleed to death before I admit that Im hurt.









I CANT FIND IT.

Translated: It didnt fall into my outstretched

hands, so Im completely clueless.









WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?

Translated: What did you catch me at?









I HEARD YOU.

Translated: I havent the foggiest clue what

you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it

well enough so that you dont spend the next three days yelling at me.









YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.

Translated: I am used to the way you yell at me,

and realize it could be worse.









YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.

Translated: Oh, God, please dont try on one

more outfit, Im starving.









IM NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.

Translated: No one will ever see us alive again.