The Top 13 Little-Known Effects Of El Nino

  1. Weather Channel temporarily passes Knitting Channel in ratings.
  2. During concert, Hanson breaks out into a raucous version of mmmGuantanamera.
  3. Tori Spelling, confused by lack of sunshine, goes into hibernation.
  4. Unusually high tides in silicon implants responsible for delaying production of Barb Wire 2.
  5. Instead of flying south, Canadian geese just cross the border to shop.
  6. Home Shopping Networks ratings plummet as trailer park residents nationwide seek higher ground.
  7. Increased moisture in air means William Shatner needs less SuperGlue to hold his hair down.
  8. In a first for a weather pattern, El Nino signs with Nike for a cool 36 million.
  9. Groundhog comes out of his hole on Feb. 2 and — ZAP — the only thing left of his hairy little rear is the smell of burnt fur and ozone.
  10. Matt Lauer responds to everything Katie Couric says with a booming Claro Que Si!
  11. Minor changes in Earths magnetic field allow Jennifer Aniston to complete a thought.
  12. Rash of muskrat sightings in Vegas turns out to be thousands of toupees floating in from Hollywood.
  13. Confused British nannies begin swinging babies counter-clockwise instead of clockwise.

[ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]
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