Santa *remembers* its Christmas. Nuf said.
Reads childrens letters in office instead of in bathroom.
Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your stocking; if you have to ask, maybe thats the problem!
Employs little people in a sweatshop and co-hosts TV talk show, Regis and Santa Lee.
Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, *still* insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve.
Mrs. Claus wears work boots, has a crew cut, and drives a 68 El Camino.
A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice.
Actually seems to shake like TWO bowls full of jelly.
Bowl full of jelly, my ass. Its water retention.
Constantly whining about equality until its time to clean out the reindeer stalls.
Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like that!
No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer.
Santa never, ever observed peeing off of rooftops.
The North Pole Blockbusters been out of The Horse Whisperer for weeks.

and Top5s Number 1 Sign Santa Claus is Actually a Woman…

With the way they build chimneys these days youd *have* to be Calista friggin Flockhart just to get in!

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
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