08
Aug

Things That Never Happen on Star Trek

The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has
encountered several times before.
The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists, who
are all perfectly all right.
The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise,
where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed
to be exactly as it seems.
The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later
turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.
The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for
which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to
the Enterprises computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to
bring the right leads.
A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a
faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
A power surge on the Bridge fails to electrocute the user of a computer
panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection
feature called a fuse.
The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without
serious incident.
The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which
does not put them on trial.
The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.
The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange, and
dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it
on in the end.
The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which
they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.
The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is in
some way unconnected with the 20th century.
Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesnt explode or crash.
A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but
fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to
everyones satisfaction.
The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.
The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny, day.
An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered
without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, would represent
a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant.
A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a
single malfunction trapping him/her there.
Picard hears the door chime and doesnt bother to say Come.
Picard doesnt answer a suggestion with Make it so!
Picard walks up to the replicator and says, Coke on ice.
Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Trois position.
Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski show
up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, Did he read you love poetty?! Did
he serve you poisonous tea?! Hes MINE!
When Worf tells the bridge officers that something is entering visual range
no one says On screen.
Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond
to one of the Enterprises hails.
Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck, (pity this wasnt done in
Deja Vu then we could have seen it 5 times without rewinding the tape).
Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy
git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age
for a change.
Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and the Universe as we
know it, and EVERYONE is grateful (including the Net).
The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort
themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius
Wesley Crusher.
Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drive and they work better than
ever.
Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without having a hot
flush and getting breathless every time Picard is in the room.
Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy routine.
Data falls in love with the replicator.
Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits,
and isnt tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced
people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime
Directive.
An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell the
tale.
Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position for not
being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three
sentences that anyone says to him.
Kirks hair remains consistent for more that 1 consecutive episode.
Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesnt rip his shirt.
(Or even, Kirk DOESNT get into a fistfight…)
Kirk doesnt end up kissing the troubled guest-female before she doesnt
sacrifice herself for him.
Scotty doesnt mention the laws of physics
Spock isnt the only crew member not affected by new weapon/attack by
alien race/etc!! due to his darn green blood or bizarre Vulcan
physiology and thus he cannot save the day.
The episode ends without Bones & Kirk laughing at Spocks inability to
understand the joke, and he doesnt raise his eybrow.

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