The Top 16 Least-Noticed Important
Events of the Last 1000 Years 1621: Ouch! This porcupine is a bitch to carve. What say we roast that large bird over there instead? 1879: Thomas Edison gets an idea, and his brother Timmy says, Hey, whats that thing over your head? 1937: On May 6, Christ returns, only this time hes flying in style — on the Hindenburg! 1962: In Moscow, an enraged Nikita Khrushchev bangs his shoe on nuclear missile launch buttons. Fortunately, the Soviet missile-control computer had just moments before run out of kerosene. 1963: Richard Simmons almost loses his virginity. 1069: Little did B.J. Richard, the sixth Duke of Hummer, know that the accidental coupling of his most intimate region with his 3-foot tall mistress would result in a sexual act being named after him. 1843: After years of research, German inventor Gunther Dildo finally finishes his lifelong research. 1997: On June 13, my mom forgot to criticize my housekeeping skills. 1895: In June, Guglielmo Marconi invents the radio. In July, Guglielmo Kasem counts down the Rome Top 40. 1432: The invention of the moveable-type garlic press. 1492: Heads, we name it America; Tails, its Columbus. Loser gets a city in the Ohio Territories. 1541: During a manicure, Henry VIII accidentally invents the pull my finger gag. 1450: Printing press invented by a young Al Gore. 1517: Prior to nailing his 95 Theses on the church door in Wittenberg, Martin Luther nails 3 Ingrids in the choir loft. 1491: Colombus discovers the clitoris. and the Number 1 Least-Noticed Important Event of the Last 1000 Years…
1898: Benny Rabinowitz gets the last open spot on the Braunau Elementary School kickball team, leaving poor little Adolph over there, all by himself.