True Lawyer Statements

Amazing and true lawyer statements. Lawyers typically aren’t funny — unless by accident. Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide…

1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

2) Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?

3) Q: What happened then?

A: He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.’ Q: Did he kill you?

4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

6) Were you alone or by yourself.

7) How long have you been a French Canadian?

8) Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

9) Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.

A: That’s me. Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

10) Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?

A: I’ll be three months on November

8. Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?

A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at that time?

13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?

A: I used to be. Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

14) So you were gone until you returned?

15) Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes. Q: How many were boys?

A: None. Q: Were there girls?

16) You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?

A: Not yet.

19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, “Your Honor, I’d like to strike the next question.”

20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?

A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that so?

A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

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