These are some memos found in the trash behind the primary building of
the FBI (Federal Bureau of Incompetents) in Washington, D.C. Theyre
probably classified information, and possession of them on your computer
system no doubt is considered a federal offense. Enjoy!

>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2×3276
>Sir:
This small Wacko cult isnt giving in. Do you have any instructions?
Agent 2×3276

>To: ATF Agent 2×3276
>From: FBI Director William Sessions
>Agent:
Try playing Feelings over and over again 24 hours a day. That should
get the point across.
The Director

>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2×3276
>Sir:
Thank you for the suggestion. Unfortunately, playing Feelings over
and over again 24 hours a day has succeeded only in convincing the Wacko folks
that the end of the world is at hand. Theyre a bit less cooperative now.
Any more suggestions?
Agent 2×3276

>To: ATF Agent 2×3276
>From: FBI Director William Sessions
>Agent:
Add searchlights at night. And add to the playlist something by
The Partridge Family.
Still The Director

>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2×3276
>Sir:
They like the Partridge Family.
Agent 2×3276

>To: ATF Agent 2×3276
>From: FBI Director William Sessions
>Agent:
Sickos.
STD

>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2×3276
>Sir:
Were getting bored out here. Can we go in now?
Agent 2×3276

>To: ATF Agent 2×3276
>From: FBI Director William Sessions
>Agent:
Not until weve wiped their reputation a bit. Notify the reporters
about Koreshs sexual abuse of young, baby frogs.
The Director and Producer

>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2×3276
>Sir:
We have no substantiated reports of sexual abuse of young, baby frogs.
Agent 2×3276

>To: ATF Agent 2×3276
>From: FBI Director William Sessions
>Agent:
Do you have a point?
The Brilliant

>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2×3276
>Sir:
Unsubstantiated rumors of baby frog abuse will not withstand scrutiny.
Agent 2×3276

>To: ATF Agent 2×3276
>From: FBI Director William Sessions
>Agent:
What scrutiny are you expecting, agent? Whos going to stand up for
a cult leader whos abused baby frogs?
Better than Brilliant

>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2×3276
>Sir:
Weve had a tiny accident at the compound.
Agent 2×3276

>To: ATF Agent 2×3276
>From: FBI Director William Sessions
>Agent:
How tiny?
Better than Brilliant,
but slighty Worried

>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2×3276
>Sir:
It kind of like, burned down. Sort of. Sir.
Agent 2×3276

>To: ATF Agent 2×3276
>From: FBI Director William Sessions
>Agent:
Notify the press the cultists committed mass suicide by burning down
their compound.
Brilliant, Almost Godlike

>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2×3276
>Sir:
We havent gathered any evidence at all yet, let alone of
a mass suicide.
Pretty Good Agent 2×3276

>To: ATF Agent 2×3276
>From: FBI Director William Sessions
>Agent:
Do you have a point?
Try to remain more formal in your memos.
The BAG Director

>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2×3276
>Sir:
No sir, thank you sir.
Agent 2×3276

>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: President Billy Bob Clinton
>Will:
What the hell are you folks doing over there?
Bill

>To: President William Clinton
>From: FBI Director William Sessions
>Sir:
Just doing our best to maintain law and order on a cult of
baby-frog-abusing Partridge Family fans, sir.
Director Sessions

>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: President Billy Bob Clinton
>Will:
Oh. Okay.
Mr. Bill

>To: Members of the Press
>From: President William Clinton
>Dear Members of the Press:
The FBI has informed me of a tiny error theyve made. I take full
reponsibility. It wasnt my fault.
The President