General Motors doesnt have a help line for people who dont know how to drive, because people dont buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did …

HelpLine: General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?

Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!

HelpLine: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?

Customer: Whats an ignition?

HelpLine: Its a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine.

Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?

HelpLine: General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?

Customer: My car ran fine for a week and now it wont go anywhere!

HelpLine: Is the gas tank empty? Customer: Huh? How do I know?

HelpLine: Theres a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from E to F. Where is the needle pointing?

Customer: Its pointing to E. What does that mean?

HelpLine: It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you.

Customer: What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!

HelpLine: General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?

Customer: Your cars suck!

HelpLine: Whats wrong?

Customer: It crashed, thats what wrong!

HelpLine: What were you doing?

Customer: I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it wont start now!

HelpLine: Its your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?

Customer: I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesnt crash any more!

HelpLine: General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?

Customer: Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks.

HelpLine: Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?

Customer: How do I work it?

HelpLine: Do you know how to drive?

Customer: Do I know how to what?

HelpLine: Do you know how to drive?

Customer: Im not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!