What the Diet Says …


1/2 grapefruit

black coffee

1 piece dry toast

1 sm. glass skim milk

1 lettuce leaf

2 tomato slices

2 oz. broiled chicken

4 carrot sticks

1 whole wheat roll with 1 tsp reduced-calorie butter

1 cup red jello


1/2 cup salad

1 tsp low fat Italian dressing

4 oz. hamburger patty

2 1/2 slices canned pear

1/4 cup cottage cheese

slice wheat bread
also–8 glasses of water

What You Really Eat

8 a.m. Breakfast

You skip breakfast. Youre not hungry, and this gives you an extra 100
calories for the day.
10 a.m.

You decide to have that black coffee as you see the doughnuts being brought
into the office. You drink your first glass of water, proudly resisting
the doughnuts.
11 a.m.

You are hungry and have a hard time concentrating on your work. You look
forward to lunch.
12 p.m. Lunch

You hungrily eat everything on your diet, including the jello, which you
have hated since you were a child because of that time when you got your
tonsils taken out and they gave you jello at every meal.
1 p.m.

You drink your second glass of water for the day.
1:30 p.m.

You drink your 3rd and 4th glass of water for the day.
2 p.m.

You drink your 5th and 6th glass of water for the day. You marvel at how
a person can be hungry and nauseous at the same time. Your co-worker has
popcorn at her desk and you smell it but are too sick to even want any.
She offers you some and you decline, telling her how little youve eaten
today and how the smell of the popcorn doesnt even tempt you. She is
3 p.m.

You are hungry. You know that another co-worker has chocolate on her desk
and there is an open invitation to take some. You do, after all, have
an extra 100 calories for the day. You restrict yourself to one piece
of candy, proud of your willpower. You are still 50 calories ahead.
3:30 p.m.

You are still hungry. Your mind wanders. You remember the Tic Tacs in
your desk — only 2 calories apiece. You eat two. 46 calories left.
3:45 p.m.

You eat two more Tic Tacs. 42 calories left.
4 p.m.

You eat the rest of the pack of Tic Tacs. You are in the negative, but
optimistic. Youll skip the pear at dinner.
5 p.m.

You are famished. You drink the last 2 glasses of water to get you through
to dinnertime.
5:30 p.m.

You arrive home. A bag of crisps is blocking the way to the pasta that
you will be using to make the family dinner. After thinking twice about
it you rip open the package and eat one crisp.

You eat one more crisp.
6:30 p.m.

You eat the rest of the package of crisps, 6 tablespoons of pasta as you
cook it, and then have a big tub of Haagen Daz. You tell the family that
you are doing too well on your diet to ruin it with dinner. They are impressed.

Most viewed Jokes (20)