(Hairdresser) – I havent seen you for ages.

(They mean) – Youve been going to another hairdresser.

(Hairdresser) – Its got long hasnt it?

(They mean) – Im on fairly safe grounds here.

(Hairdresser) – What kind of shampoo are you using?

(They mean) – There must be some explanation for the state of your hair.

(Hairdresser) – I cant afford a holiday this year.

(They mean) – Please remember I rely on tips.

(Hairdresser) – Are you busy at the moment?

(They mean) – I cant remember what you do.

(Hairdresser) – Do you want anything on it?

(They mean) – After what Ive done, I suggest you wear a hat.