Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You dont have to monitor your friends sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends dont give a crap whether youve lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutters dont rob you blind.
When clicking through the channels, you dont have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
All your orgasms are real.
You dont have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
You dont have to shave below your neck.
None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
You dont have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
If youre 34 and single, nobody even notices.
You can write your name in the snow.
Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passengers seat.
Flowers fix everything.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking He must be mad at me.
The world is your urinal.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
One mood, all the time
You never have to drive on to another gas station because this ones just too skeevy.
You can sit with you knees apart no matter what youre wearing.
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
You dont have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.
You dont care if someones talking about you behind you back.
With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earths population in 15 tries, at least in theory.