RULES MEN WISH WOMEN KNEW:

If you think youre ugly, you probably are. Dont ask us.

Learn to work the toilet seat; if its up, put it down.

Dont cut your hair. For any reason. Ever.

If you ask a question you dont want an answer to, expect an answer you dont want to hear.

Sometimes were NOT thinking about you. Live with it.

Dont ask us what were thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as wax worms vs. grubs, the shotgun formation and carburetors.

ANYTHING you wear is fine. Really.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but dont expect us to like it.

Ask us for what you want. Subtle hints dont work.

No, we DONT know what day it is. We never will.

Mark anniversaries and birthdays on a calendar.

Yes, whizzing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point-blank range. Were bound to miss sometimes.

Yes and No ARE perfectly acceptable answers.

A headache that lasts for 17 days is a problem. See a doctor.

Check your oil.

Dont give us rules.

Dont fake it. Wed rather be ineffective than deceived.

Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

All comments become null and void anfter 2 days.

Dont rub the lamp if you dont want the genie to come out.

You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus didnt need directions, and neither do we.

Women wearing low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

Sunday = Sports. Its like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!