You Might Be Giving Pagans A Bad Name If

You insist that your boss call you Rowan Starchild because
otherwise youd sue for religious harrassment. (Score double for this
if you dont let that patronizing bastard call you Mr. or
Ms. Starchild.)

Youve ever confused the Prime Directive with the Wiccan Rede.

Youve ever cast a spell with twenty-sided dice.

You said it was bigotry when they didnt let you do that
ritual in front of city hall. It had nothing to do with the skyclad

You picketed The Craft and Hocus Pocus, but thought that the
losers who picketed The Last Temptation of Christ needed to get lives.

Youve ever publicly claimed to be an elf, alien, vampire,
faerie, or demigod, and been genuinely surprised when not everyone
took you seriously.

Youve ever publically claimed to be the reincarnation of
Gardner, Merlin, Aleister Crowley, King Arthur, Cleopatra, Morgana Le
Fay, or Jim Henson, and been genuinely surprised when not everyone
took you seriously.

Youve suddenly realised in the middle of a ritual that you
werent playing D&D.

Youve failed to realise at any point in the ritual that you
werent playing D&D.

Youve suddenly realised that you are playing D&D.

Your Book of Shadows is a rulebook for Vampire: The Masquerade
with notes in the margins.

Youve ever effected an Irish or Scottish accent and insisted
that it was real.

You talk to your invisible guardians in public. (Score double
if you save places for them in crowded restaurants) (Score triple if
you admit to having sex with them)

Youve ever claimed to have met the Vampire Lestat or
Dracula. (Score double if you got into a fight and escaped) (Score
triple if it was no contest)

Youve ever tried something you saw on Sabrina, The Teenage Witch.

Youve ever had to go along with someones ludicrous story
because it was twice as likely to be true than most of the crap you

You expect your employer to exempt you from the random drug
testing because of your religion.

Youve won an argument by referencing Drawing Down the Moon,
knowing damn good and well they havent read it either.

Youve ever referenced the Great Rite in a pick-up line.

Someone has had to point out to you that you do not enter a
circle in perfect love and perfect lust. (Score double if you
argued the point.)

You claim to be a famtrad (hereditary), but youre not. (Score
double if you had to tell people you were adopted to pull this off.)

You claim to be a descendant of one of the original Salem
Witches. (Score to a lethal degree if you dont get this one.)

Youve ever used tongue delivering the fivefold kiss. (score
double if you did it more than once.)

Youve ever used reincarnation as the intro for a pick up
line. (You may deduct this point if it worked.)

You think its perfectly reasonable to insist that, since
every tradition is different, and no one tradition is right, theres
no reason not to do things your way.

You request Samhain, Beltaine, and Yule off and then bitch
about working Christmas.

The thing that drew you to the Craft was the potential to
dance with naked members of the opposite sex.

You strip in a club like the one in Porkys under your craft
name, and consider it highly appropriate.

Youve ever been psychically attacked by someone who
conveniently held a coven position you crave, and suddenly had a
glimpse into their mind so you could see how evil they were.

Youve ever achieved position or influence in a coven by
sleeping with half of it.

You claim yourself as a witch because how early you were
trained by the wise and powerful such-and-such. Of whom nobody has

You complain about how much the Native Americans copied from
Eclectic Wiccan Rites.

Youre not a hereditary witch but you have a good disposition
to it because your ancestors (the ones before your german parents)
were Native American or Irish.

You dont know the difference between Irish and Scottish, and
you alternately claim to be both.

You think its your Pagan Duty to support the IRA, not because
of any political beliefs you might share, but because, damnit, theyre

You think the number of Wiccan books you own is far more
important than the number you have read, regardless of the fact that
most of your books are for beginners.

You hang out with people who each match at least fifteen of
these traits.

You recognize many of these traits in yourself, but this test
isnt about you. But, boy, its right about those other folks.

Copyright (c) 1997 by Cather Catalyst Steincamp


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