Getting a divorce is a mixed bag, some good things and some bad things. Here is a list to help you see both the bright and the dark side of the institution of divorce …

10 bad things

She gets half of everything but the bills
Without keeping your home just slightly warmer than Satans dominion, electric company no longer awards you Top Gigawatt User status
No more weekly episodes of Watch Her Butt Expand
People less understanding when youre late to an event
Senseless accidental death of spouse would have been a more romantic and fulfilling way to lose her
Belief in your ability to pick a soul-mate is shot to hell
Vacations can no longer be spent going to exotic and exciting spots like her parents home in Idaho
Now a woman crying can be caused by any number of confusing reasons rather than the straightforward its your fault cause
Giddiness and joy of annual Dual-Income-No-Kids tax rape merely a distant memory
Screwing your 17-year-old step-daughter wasnt the cause of your marital difficulties

10 good things

Your divorce lawyer can afford a new car
Friends are now something you can have instead of a TV-show youre forced to watch
No more nightly shrieking makes it easier to hear a movie without turning up the volume
My wife just left me great for sympathy among other women-folk
Having a beer is no longer a high crime
Regain possibility of having sex
Helpful marriage counselor now free to actively destroy someone elses relationship
Comforting may be done in person rather than through a bathroom door
Quietly sitting through tired, cliched chick-flick movies may now be rewarded with sex
Luckily you never spawned freakish mutant children that the bitch would have surely produced

Copyright 1999, Welds Press