Attention all Heterosexual Men!

Are you unhappy with your lifestyle?

Do you yearn for more in entertainment than monster truck
shows have to offer?

Do beer commercials leave you bored and uninterested?

Are you tired of being a decade behind in fashion?

Do you wish you had a nice apartment — like the ones on
Will & Grace?

You are not alone! Act now, and youll be on your way
to living a fabulous, glamorous life as a HOMOSEXUAL!

For a limited time, homosexuals are recruiting heterosexual
men to become just like us! Let us help you in your
transformation from bland to faboo! Well give you all the steps
youll need to be a happy, healthy fairy, like:

How to have sex with a man and not need the six pack of
beer!

How to make your home Architectural Digest-ready – with
extra tips on antiques, throw pillows, and foreign art!

The secret list of essential Madonna and Cher CDs you
MUST own.

That tongue trick invented (circa 1978) in a back alley in
NYC!

The address of Ricky Martins private fan club!

Why you must JUST SAY NO to bi-level haircuts!

Dance steps for even the most rhythmically impaired — and
why dancing with a shirt on is a no-no — unless you havent
been going to the gym.

Why you must go to the gym!

Gaydar lessons — youll finally know the truth about that
unusual Uncle.

Our In and Out list — for the current week.

Style and grooming tips no self-respecting gay man should
be without (say good-bye to that uni-brow)!

How to wear a G-string with poise and dignity (well even
insert a few bucks to get you started).

A dialect coach to assist in gaylingo — learn terms like
twinkie, muscle bunny, drama queen — and their importance in
conversation.

Significant historical dates youll need to know, like the year
Donna Summer won her first Grammy, Barbras wedding
anniversary, and the day Judy died!

Act now and youll receive a closet door
(removed, of course) to symbolize your freedom!
Dont delay any longer!

Dont you want to have more women hanging off you than
when you were straight? Call 1-800-GET-FABB to begin
your life as a fabulous fag!

Call today.

Operators are standing by!

(Offer void in Kentucky and Tennessee.)