27
Mar

Mississippis finest


GLN (Good-Looking Nerd) : Can I help you?


MHP (Mississippi Highway Patrolman) : Do you know how fast you were
going, boy?


GLN : Im not sure. The needle doesnt reach the high numbers very well.
I would estimate somewhere between 80 and 85, closer to 85.


MHP : You were going 84 miles an hour.


GLN : See, I was close. I mustve been going uphill.


MHP : What was that?


GLN : Oh, nothing. Is there some reason you pulled me over?


MHP : Im going to have to give you a ticket, boy.


GLN : No thank you.


MHP : What was that?


GLN : If its all the same to you, Id just as soon you keep your
ticket. I dont really have any use for one.


MHP : Dont try to weasel your way out of this, boy. Im going to
give you a ticket.


GLN : What for?


MHP : WHAT FOR??? Speeding, thats what!


GLN : You mean youre going to give me a ticket for going two miles
per hour over the speed limit?


MHP : TWO MILES??? Dont you know what the speed limit is, boy?


GLN : Its posted on the white sign with black letters, right?


MHP : Right.


GLN : 82. Thats what the sign said, 82.


MHP : Thats not the speed limit. This is highway 82.


GLN : I thought this was highway 55. It goes through Winona.


MHP : 55 is the speed limit. This is highway 82. I-55 goes through
Memphis and Jackson.


GLN : But Im going to Starkville, not Memphis or Jackson. You must
be confused.


MHP : This is NOT I-55. This IS highway 82, and it does go to Starkville.


GLN : Thats right. Im going to Starkville on highway 55, and the
speed limit is 82. I dont think you should give me a ticket for
going two miles over the speed limit.


MHP : The speed limit is 55. Didnt you see the sign with the words
SPEED LIMIT and the number 55 on it?


GLN : I was wondering why they would write that on the sign telling the
name of the highway.


MHP : It ISNT the highway sign. The highway is 82, and the speed limit
is 55.


GLN : Do you think you could hurry up and get to the point? Im kind of
in a hurry.


MHP : Is this your car?


GLN : Yes, do you like it?


MHP : Would you turn down that music?


GLN : Its Aretha Franklin. It goes with the car, dont you think?
What are you doing?


MHP : Im writing you a ticket.


GLN : For going two miles over the speed limit?


MHP : No, for going TWENTY-NINE miles an hour over the speed limit.


GLN : Do you think thats unsafe?


MHP : Absolutely. Its very unsafe.


GLN : If I was going so fast, then how did you catch me?


MHP : Well, uh…


GLN : Do you think its safe for you to drive that fast?


MHP : Yes. Ive been trained for high-speed pursuit.


GLN : Dont you think its rather hypocritical of you to be giving me
a ticket? How many wrecks have you had?


MHP : Thats irrelevant.


GLN : Did you see that?


MHP : What?


GLN : That black car just sideswiped your patrol car and kept going.
If you hurry, you can probably catch him.


MHP : #@*%^$! And thats my new patrol car, too. You wait here while
I apprehend that criminal!


GLN : Yeah, right.


[Ed: A work of fiction]

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