Old Jokes | New Jokes

1 acto: sale un café

2 acto: al café le echan pescado

3 acto: al mismo café le echan marisco. ¿Cómo se llamó la obra?

Café con aroma de mujer.

PCMCIA People Cant Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN It Still Does Nothing



APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity



SCSI System Cant See It



DOS Defective Operating System



BASIC Bills Attempt to Seize Industry Control



IBM I Blame Microsoft



DEC Do Expect Cuts



CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months



OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too.



WWW World Wide Wait



MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs



PENTIUM Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics



COBOL Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language



AMIGA A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction



LISP Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis



MIPS Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed



WINDOWS Will Install Needless Data On Whole System



GIRO Garbage In Rubbish Out



MICROSOFT Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for) Fools (&) Teenagers.

There are 3 ladies on a flight. Suddenly the pilot informed them that there was a technical problem and the plane was going to crash into the sea.



A chinese lady quickly took her cosmetics set out and started to doll herself up.





A Malay lady beside her questioned her on her actions. The chinese lady replied that if she lookod beautiful, the guys coming to rescue survivors would usually save the pretty ladies first,On hearing this, the Malay lady started to put on all her jewellery.





An Indian woman sitting beside the Malay lady was curious and questioned her.



The Malay lady said that the rescuers would save her because she would easily be identified by the glitter of her jewels.





Then the Indian woman started taking her clothes off.





Both the Chinese and Malay ladies were shocked and questioned her.The Indian woman then replied that rescue teams do not usually look for survivors. They usually look for the Black Box first.

After years of listening to her plead, a hunter finally decided to let his wife come hunting with him. He led her into the woods and left her in a blind with instructions on what to do when a deer came within range.

He had no sooner arrived at his own blind when he heard a shot coming from his wifes direction. The first shot was quickly followed by several more. He immediately ran back to see what had happened, only to find a man standing in front of his wife with his hands up shouting, OK lady, its your deer! Just let me take the saddle off!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Kent!
Kent who?
Kent you tell who it is?

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.

Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Gods ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, Hey, dont you know who I am? The man says, Yep, sure do.

Satan says, Well, arent you afraid of me? The man says, Nope, sure aint.

Satan, perturbed, says, And why arent you afraid of me? The man says, Well, Ive been married to your sister for 25 years.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

106. Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then hide the tarantula. If your roommate asks, say, Oh, hes around here, somewhere.

I think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got.

If you never want to see a man again, say, I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children… - they leave skid marks. — Rita Rudner

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very ornery, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem: she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals cages. Now Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he wasnt very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Perhaps they could entice Mike to satisfy the female gorilla.

So he was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500. He responded that he was interested but would have to think the matter over.

The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions: First, he said, I dont want to have to kiss her, and Second, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union.

The zoo administration quickly acceded to these conditions, but what could be the third?

Well, said Mike, Youve gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks.