15
Jan

Question and answer

Q: Did you hear about the Irishman who was tap dancing?
A: He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

Q: Whats Irish and sits outside in the summertime?
A: Paddy OFurniture!

Q: What are the best ten years of an Irishmans life?
A: Third grade.

Q: How do you sink an Irish submarine?
A: Knock on the hatch.

Q: How can you identify an Irish pirate?
A: Hes the one with patches over both eyes.

15
Jan

Mire doctor, dice una seora.

Mire doctor, dice una señora. No se cómo ponerme en la cama: si me pongo boca abajo, se me suben los pulmones Si me pongo de un lado, se me sube el hígado. Si me pongo del otro lado se me suben los riñones.

¡Ah! Pues entonces póngase boca arriba.

¡No, porque entonces se me sube mi marido!

15
Jan

En una fiesta, una muchacha

En una fiesta, una muchacha le dice a su compañera de al lado:

Ten cuidado que ahí viene El Rápido.

En eso viene El Rápido y la invita a bailar. Cuando están bailando, éste le dice:

Oye chica, podrías echarte el panty a un lado.

¡Ajá, para metérmelo!, responde la chica.

No, para sacártelo.

15
Jan

Gunscope

This hit man decided he needed a new scope for his sniper. So he heads to this new shop that had just opened up and walks in. He introduces himself to the owner and tells him he has $20000 to spend on a new scope. The owner says well i have this new one that just got in, it can see ages away. If you look through that window there you can see my house on that hill. So the customer looks through the scope at the house.The owner asks well what dya see? the customer looks at him wryly and says i can a man and a women running around naked the owner reaches behind his counter and pulls out 2 bullets and says if you take these 2 bullets and blow my wifes head off and that milk mans dick off ill give you the scope for free so the customer loads the bullets and looks through the scope and says ya know what? i reckon i can do that in one shot.

15
Jan

A practical joke involving jello

Heres a delightful treat someone once made for an office Christmas party:

A gelatin mold should be made with Knox Unflavored Gelatin and red food coloring. One would think that a flavorless food would not be at all difficult to swallow, but believe me, from the looks of people who inserted cold masses of gelatinous glop into a mouth that was expecting sweets, the experience is unexplainably horrifying! Some claimed to be nauseated by the feel of it; others politely swallowed.

15
Jan

How many Irish does it

How many Irish does it take to change a lightbulb?

Forget it- well drink in the dark

15
Jan

Michael Jackson

Q: Did you hear that Michael Jackson was taken to the Emergency Room?
A: He was choking on a small bone!

15
Jan

You Might Be A College Student If

If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen.
If you live in a house with three couches, none of which match.
If you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal.
If you have ever written a check for 45 cents.
If you have a fine collection of domestic beer bottles.
If you have ever seen two consecutive sunrises without sleeping.
If your glass set is composed of McDonalds Extra Value Meal Plastic
Cups (ie. Olympic Dream Team I or II).
If your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads.
If you cannot remember when you last washed your car.
If you can pack your worldly possesions into the back of a pick-up
(one trip).
If you have ever had to justify yourself for buying Natural Light.
If the first thing you do in the morning is roll over and introduce
yourself.
If your bed time is no longer 10:00 PM, but 3:00 AM.
If you consider pizza one of the four major food groups.
If you consider the other three to be beer, McDonalds, and candy.
If youve ever missed a class to watch Ricki Lake.
Or play Warcraft.
If youve ever sent e-mail to the people you live with.
If you refer to your meal card as plastic.
If youve ever spent a good hour searching for your student I.D.
just so you could get that one dollar off at the movies.
If youve ever stayed up all night just so you wouldnt sleep
through your morning class.

15
Jan

First-Time Golfer

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking hed try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole."Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro."Uh… youre supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again."Oh great! NOW you tell me." said the beginner.

15
Jan

Whales

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.

At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. Look, she said, I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!