15
Dec

Space photography

The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble Space Telescope photograph of distant galaxies colliding.

Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene.

15
Dec

Q: How many blacks

Q: How many blacks does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three: One to boogie up the ladder, two to keep the beat.

15
Dec

Drunk Driver

A man stumbles out of a bar one night obviously drunk. He makes his way down the street knocking into everything in his path. A police officer watches him from a cruiser across the street. The man comes up to a parked car, fumbles around in his pockets, gets his keys, and proceeds to drive away. The police officer, unbelieving what he saw, pulls the man over a few blocks down the road. The man gives a breathalizer for the officer and to the officers amazement – the guy was stone cold sober.

I cant belive it! I watched you walk to this car, drive erratic all the way down the road, and my machine says you have no alcohol in your system! How can that be???

Oh thats easy, replies the man.

Tonight Im the designated decoy.

15
Dec

Nerd Season

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying:

Nerds Not Allowed — Enter At Your Own Risk!

He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him.
You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?

I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers Im hauling.

Okay, truck drivers are not nerds, he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.

Why did you do that?

Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You dont even need a license.

The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers.They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen!

He cant let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

Whats wrong? I thought nerds were in season, says the truck driver.
Well, sure, says the patrolman. But you cant bait em!

15
Dec

La seora, cmodamente instalada en

La señora, cómodamente instalada en la cama, espera la llegada del marido.

Ya llegué, mi amor.

¡Qué bueno, cariño!, le contesta mientras, muy sexy, se remolinea. Entonces, le pide:

Mi vida, dime algo dulce.

¿Algo dulce? Pues, chocolate.

No, algo romántico.

¿Algo romántico? Pues, Luis Miguel.

¡No, algo que me caliente!, le pide con mayor énfasis.

El tipo tarda en contestar y le dice:

¿Algo que te caliente? Pues…¡Chinga tu madre!

15
Dec

Estaban dos borrachos en una

Estaban dos borrachos en una esquina discutiendo:

Compadre, ésa es la luna.

No, ése es el sol.

¡Qué no, ésa es la luna!

¡Pero tú estás loco, no ves que ése es el sol! Es más, vamos a preguntarle a aquel tipo que viene para que veas que es el sol.

¡Psss, señor! ¿Qué opina, usted, ése es el sol o es la luna?

El tipo mira hacia arriba y dice:

Bueno, eso está difícil porque yo no vivo por aquí.

15
Dec

Una vez cuando un padre

Una vez cuando un padre estaba comenzando la misa empezó un terremoto y la gente en la iglesia comenzaron a gritar y el padre les dice:

Hijos míos, recen un Padre nuestro.

Y empezaron: Padre nuestro…

Pero luego la intensidad del terremoto fue mayor y el padre dice:

Hijos míos, recen un Ave María.

Y empezaron: Dios te salve…

Pero por desgracia el terremoto fue aún mayor y comenzaron a caerse las tablas del techo. Y el padre grita:

¡Hijos míos, las tablas!

Y la gente comenzó:

1X1=1, 1X2=2…

15
Dec

The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been rounding up bad guys all day, and were
in big-time need of a beer. They rode their horses as fast as they could
to the nearest town, and tied them to the rail outside the saloon.

The Lone Ranger told Tonto to stay outside a little while and run around
Silver real fast so that Silver doesnt get sick from overheating.

Tonto said, Sure thing, Kemosabe, and did as he was asked.

While the Lone Ranger was inside having his beer, a stranger walked in and
asked, Who owns that big white stallion tied up outside?

I do, said the Lone Ranger, whats it to you?

The stranger ordered a beer, turned to Lone Ranger and said, Nothin to
me, Pardner, but you left your injun runnin

15
Dec

Id give my right arm

15
Dec

College light bulb

How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Thats what grad students are for

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