There are three kinds of mathematicians: those who can count and those who

cannot.

A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say

that on the average he feels fine.

Ya hear about the geometer who went to the beach to catch the rays and became a

tangent?

A topologist is a man who doesnt know the difference between a coffee cup and a

doughnut?

97.3% of all statistics are made up.

My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes obtuse, but he was always

right!

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions!

Q & A

Q. Did you hear about the statistition?

A. Probably…!

Q. Whats yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of choice?

A. Zorns Lemon!

Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a banana?

A. Elephant banana sine theta in a direction mutually perpendicular to the two

as determined by the right hand rule!

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?

A. You cant do that, a mountain climber is a scalar!

Q. Why did the cat fall off the roof?

A. Because he lost his mu. (mew=sound cats make, mu=coeff of friction)

Q. What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?

A. A HIGH-POT-IN-USE!

Q. Whats purple and commutes?

A. An abelian grape!

Q. What does a mathematician do when hes constipated?

A. He works it out with a pencil!

Q. Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function,

the more expensive it becomes to compute?

A. Thats the Law of Spline Demand!

Q. Whats nonorientable and lives in the sea?

A. Mobius Dick!

Q. How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to the earlier

riddle.