04
Dec

Wilbert and Santa (vulgarity at end)

This was posted last year and I havent seen it yet, so I thought I would send it out for those of you who missed it. Sorry, I forgot to save the authors name, etc. (apologies to the author).

As the Christmas season draws nigh, foretelling the end of over a full month of Commercial Christmas, there is a special urgency in the spirits of children as they visit toy stores and toy departments all over the country.

It was with particular urgency that little Wilbert dragged his mother to the toy department in a big Los Angeles department store. Mother quickly steered Wilbert into the line of children waiting to talk to Santa, but Wilbert was far more interested in the hobby horse.

As soon as his mother relaxed her vigilance for a moment, Wilbert vanished from the Santa Queue and began rocking back and forth on the hobby horse. His mother noticed his absence, and after a quick, frantic search, spotted him on the horse. She let him rock for a few minutes, then told him it was time to get off. Wilbert ignored her. She began to beg; Wilbert paid no attention. She began to make promises of sugarplums, etc., if only Wilbert would get off the hobby horse. He stuck his nasty little tongue out at her.

Then Santa himself, who had been watching this little family drama out of the corner of his eye, stepped over and said to Wilberts mother, Perhaps I can persuade your son to cooperate.

I doubt that, said the mother, but youre welcome to try.

Santa, with a big smile, whispered quietly into Wilberts ear. Wilberts eyes grew very large, he quickly slid off the horse and took his mothers hand. Together, with no fuss, they left the store.

As they drove home, Mama asked Wilbert what Santa had whispered to him. Wilbert was silent. Mama began offering bribes (toys and German Chocolate cake) if Wilbert would only tell Mama what Santas words were. Wilbert turned pale and wouldnt utter a word.

What had Santa said? Wilberts mother was determined to find out. She had never been able to get the kid to obey that easily, and decided it was worth a great deal of effort on her part to discover what magic Santa Claus had used on Wilbert.

She continued to bribe him with a soft voice and much cajolery, and Wilberts stubborn streak finally faded. What did Santa say?

Wilbert now answered: He said, Listen, you little son of a bitch, if you dont climb your ass the hell down off that horse right this second, Im going to kick the living piss out of you!

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