She says English
You want You want
We need I want
Its your decision The correct decision should be
obvious by now
Do what you want Youll pay for this later
We need to talk I need to complain
Sure…go ahead I dont want you to.
Im not upset Of course Im upset, you
moron.
Youre…so manly You need a shave and you sweat a
lot.
Youre certainly attentive tonight. Is sex all you ever
think about?
Im not emotional! And Im not overreacting!Im on my
period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. I have flabby
thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient. I want a new
house.
I want new curtains and carpeting, furniture,
wallpaper…
Hang the picture there No, I mean hang it
there!
I heard a noise I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? Im going to ask for something
expensive.
How much do you love me? I did something today youre
really not going to like..
Ill be ready in a minute. Kick off your shoes and
find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? Tell me Im beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. Just agree with
me.
Are you listening to me!? [Too late, youre
dead.]
Yes No
No No
Maybe No
Im sorry. Youll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe? Its easy to fix, so youd
better get used to it.
Im not yelling! Yes I am yelling because I think
this is important.
In answer to the question Whats wrong?

The same old thing. Nothing.
Nothing. Everything.
Everything. My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really. Its just that youre such an
asshole.
I dont want to talk about it. Go away, Im still
building up evidence against you.

A Canadian snowboarder got his gold medal back despite testing positive for marijuana. Olympic officials should have know better. Snowboarding was invented because a stoned snowboarder couldnt remember where he put his other ski.

It is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully).

NOMINEE No..6 [The News of the Weird.] Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolinas electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. Whilst sitting on a metal toilet in his cell and attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray and said, And what will your third wish be?



The man looked at the genie and said, Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I havent had a first or second wish yet?



You have had two wishes already, the genie said, but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You have one wish left.



Okay, said the man, I dont believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women.



Funny, said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever. That was your first wish, too.

Did you hear about the woman whose ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once?

One cooking and the other cleaning.

One guy decided one day to try a nudest beach.

So he got there, striped, and setteld down on his blanket, trying to get a tan.

Soon a little girl came up, pointed at his penis and asked what it was.



uh..my little bird.

But dont touch it, it might bite you.

Then he fell asleep. the next thing he knew, he was at a hospital.

whats going on? then he saw the little girl from the beach



Why am I hear? well, You fell asleep, but I wanted to play whit your bird.

I started petting him, and he started trying to fly! so then I tried to lift it up, and pulled REALLy tight! then it started spitting at me.

I hit it a lot, but it just kept spitting.

Then…

*gulp* I kinda stomped on it, and I think I killed it!

Sam was trying to show his wife that women talk much more than men. To prove his point he showed her a scholarly study that showed men, on average, use about l500 words per day as opposed to women, who use at least 3,000.

Jane, his wife, pondered this for a little while and then thought of an answer. Women, she said, must use twice as many words as men, because they have to repeat every thing they say.

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, its not so hot.

Q: How many Belmont Abbey students does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Three – one to hold the candle, one to light the flint, and the other to pray that it works.

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.