What does a smart man do with 365 used rubbers?? Makes it a tire and calls it a Good Year.

Un famoso mariconazo, que tantas veces había dado y tantas otras recibido, un buen día muere y llega en presencia de San Pedro.

El Santo le dice paternal: Querido hijo, para entrar al paraíso deberás respoder a mi pregunta, para la cual seguramente no estás todavía preparado; en tanto, toma ésta pastilla. Y le dá un comprimido blanco del tamaño de un botoncito, vuelve a la tierra y tómala con un poco de agua, luego vuelve a mí.

El mariconazo, estupefacto lleva a cabo la órden y, después de algunos minutos, comienza a sentir un gran malestar de panza; corre al baño, donde se libera en una terrible y maloliente diarrea por 10 minutos seguidos.

Terminada la cagada, se reencuentra, blanco y demacrado de frente a San Pedro, que lo mira con ojo clínico, y le dice: aún no te encuentro listo, y le dá una pastilla del tamaño de un cacahuate y le pide hacer lo mismo de la vez anterior.

Ésta vez el efecto de la pastilla es mortal, el mariconazo caga diarrea ininterrumpidamente por 3 horas, y luego, extenuado, se encuentra delante del Santo. Después de un atento examen, le dice todavía no estás listo y le da otra pastilla, ahora de la dimensión de una nuez. El efecto es terrible, espantoso, bestial… una megacagada de 12 horas con fisura de ano y hemorroides múltiples.

El maricon, ya convertido en una larva humana, vuelve delante del Santo hombre, que lo mira y aprueba con la cabeza: si, si, ahora seguramente estás listo para mi pregunta: ¿habéis entendido ya para qué sirve el culo?

A really sloppy drunk is draped over the bar. The bartender tells him, OK, youve had enough. Im not going to serve you anymore, so get out of here and go home.

The drunk leaves the bar. Ten minutes later the drunk comes back in through the back door. The bartender tells him, I told you to go home, Im not serving you anything more, youve had enough, now go home.



The drunk leaves again.



Ten minutes later the drunk comes back in through a side door. Again, the bartender tells him, Man, I told you, youre wasted. Im not serving you anymore, now go home, youve had enough.



Again, the drunk leaves.



Fifteen minutes later the drunk comes back through another side door. The bartender says, What the hell is the matter with you? I keep telling you, youve had enough already, and Im not going to serve you anymore, now go home!



The drunk looks up at the bartender and asks, How many places do you work at?

This lovely little girl was entering class for the first time. A friendly little boy said his name was David, what is yours? Happy Butt she says. Dont lie to me, that isnt your name! What is your name? Happy Butt she says again. Im going to tell the teacher on you for lying! he shouts. He gets the teacher and says she is lying to him about her name. What is your name? asks the teacher. Happy Butt says the little girl. No, no, says the teacher. What is your real name? Happy Butt replies the little girl. Shame on you for lying. says the teacher. You go straight to the principals office right this minute! Why are you here? asks the principal of the little girl. They think Im lying when I tell them my name is Happy Butt. said the little girl. Your name cant be Happy Butt says the principal. Im going to call your mother right this minute and straighten this out. You must not lie to us about your name. The principal calls the mother and says , We have your little girl here and she keeps telling us her name is Happy Butt. Oh, that must be Gladys. says the mother. Well, little girl, your mother says your name is Gladys, says the principal. The little girl replies, Happy Butt, Glad ass, whats the difference.

Osama bin Laden finally gets his due when a one-ton tomahawk



missile lands



on his tent one day. He immediately goes to



hell, where the devil is waiting



for him.



I dont know what to do here, says the devil. You are on



my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to



stay here,



so Ill tell you what Im going to do: Ive got a



couple of people here



who werent quite as bad as you. Ill



let one of them go, but you have



to take their place. Ill



even let YOU decide who leaves.



Osama bin



Laden thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil



opened the first room.



In it was Manuel Noriega and a large pool of water. He kept



diving in and



surfacing empty-handed. Over and over and over.



Such was his fate in hell.



No, said Osama bin Laden, I dont think so. Im not a good



swimmer and



I dont think I could do that all day long.



The devil led him to the



next room. In it was the Ayatollah



Khomeini with a sledge-hammer and a



room full of rocks. All



he did was swing that hammer, time after time after



time.



No, Ive got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in



constant



agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,



commented Osama bin Laden.



The devil opened a third door. In it, Osama bin Laden saw Bill



Clinton,



lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head,



and his legs staked



in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was



Monica Lewinsky, doing what she



does best. Osama bin Laden



looked in disbelief and finally said, Yeah,



I can handle



this.



The devil smiled and said, OK, Monica, youre free



to go.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

The Florida State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers,
hunters, fishers, and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for
alligators while in Osceola, Polk, Manatee, Orange and Dade Counties.

They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on
their clothing to alert but not startle the alligators unexpectedly.

They also advise the carrying of pepper spray in case of an encounter with
an alligator.

It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity.

People should recognize the difference between small young alligator and
large adult alligator droppings.

Young alligator droppings are smaller and contain fish bones and possibly
bird feathers.

Adult alligators droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper
spray.

This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest of us guys find it rather funny.

Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit)

Mouse balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.

To re-order, specify one of the following:

P/N 33F8462 – Domestic Mouse Balls

P/N 33F8461 – Foreign Mouse Balls

The little boy wasnt getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said… I dont want to scare you, but my daddy says if I dont get better grades… somebody is going to get a spanking…

So the man goes to the doctor and says I have a rash on my penis.Does it burn? asks the doctor.I dont know, says the man, I never tried to light it.