Archive for December, 2018


21
Dec

Sample Exam Questions

Computer Science: Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, write a computer program to finish the rest of this exam for you.

History: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, America, Asia, and Africa. Be brief can concise, yet specific.

Electrical Engineering: You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.

Pre-Med: You will be provided with a rusty razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a full bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Dont suture until your work as been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

Public Speaking: Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aboriginals are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin, Hebrew, or Greek.

Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this life form had developed 500,000 years earlier, with special attention to the probably effect, if any, on the English parliamentary system circa 1750. Prove your thesis.

Civil Engineering: This is a practical test of your design and building skills. With the boxes of toothpicks and glue present, build a platform that will support your weight when you and your platform are suspended over a vat of nitric acid.

Music: Write a full piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with a clarinet and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

Psychology: Based on your knowledge of their early works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, and Gregory of Nicea. Support your evaluation with quotations from each mans work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

Chemistry: You must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison. (We feel this will give you an incentive to find the correct answer.)

Sociology: Estimate the sociological problems which might be associated with the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

Mechanical Engineering: The disassembled parts of a howitzer have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Machine Language. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your actions.

Economics: Describe in four hundred words or less what you would have done to prevent the Great Depression.

Mathematics: Derive the Euler-Cauchy equations using only a straightedge and compass. Discuss in detail the role these equations had on mathematical analysis in Europe during the 1800s.

Political Science: There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

Religion: Perform a miracle. Creativity will be judged.

Art: Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life.

Physics: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an in-depth evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

Metaphysics: Describe in detail the probably nature of life after death. Test your hypothesis.

Philosophy: Sketch the development of human thought and estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

General Knowledge: Describe in detail. Be specific.

Extra Credit: Define the universe, and give three examples.

21
Dec

Alaskan Drunk Goes Fishing

A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing. So he packs up his stuff and goes out onto the ice.
He starts sawing a hole in the ice, and a loud booming voice says, "YOU WILL FIND NO FISH UNDER THAT ICE!"
The drunk looks up, ignores it, and continues on. The voice repeats, "YOU WILL FIND NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The drunk looks up and says, "God? Is this God trying to warn me?"
The voice says "NO, IM THE MANAGER OF THIS ICE RINK."

20
Dec

Knock Knock Whos there? Sherbert! Sherbert who? Sherbert forest

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Sherbert!
Sherbert who?
Sherbert forest is where Robin Hood lived!

20
Dec

Knock Knock Whos there? Zebulon! Zebulon who? Zebulon to

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Zebulon!
Zebulon who?
Zebulon to me!

20
Dec

Types of computer viruses

Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the Tricky Dick Virus, you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.

20
Dec

Sabes cmo entretener a un

¿Sabes cómo entretener a un idiota?

Sigue leyendo.

¿Sabes cómo entretener a un idiota?

Sigue leyendo.

¿Sabes cómo entretener a un idiota?

Sigue leyendo.

¿Sabes cómo entretener a un idiota?

Sigue leyendo.

¿Sabes cómo entretener a un idiota?

Sigue leyendo.

20
Dec

Nelson Bayardo, famoso aprendiz de

Nelson Bayardo, famoso aprendiz de escritor Uruguayo, entrevistó al Coronel Escayola en Tacuarembo, Uruguay. Bayardo le dice: ¿Es cierto que usted tuvo 64 hijos?

Sí, le dice Escayola, y por hacer tantos hijos no pude llegar a General y me quedé en Coronel.

Y… ¿se acuerda de sus nombres de todos?

¡No! sólo me acuerdo de uno que se llamaba Carlos.

¡Ah! ya sé, le dice Bayardo, Carlos Gardel, ¿verdad?

No sé si se apellidaba Gardel, pero sí sé que se llamaba Carlos.

Que increíble, Coronel y déjeme preguntarle: Los 64 hijos los tuvo usted con la misma?

Sí, Nelson, con la misma, sólo que con diferentes mujeres.

Qué bárbaro le dice Bayardo, entonces yo me siento hoy muy afortunado, Coronel.

¿Por qué?, le dice Escayola.

¡Porque hoy debe ser uno de los pocos días en que se le encuentra a usted vestido y en uniforme!

20
Dec

Other ways to use

Other ways to use the Thanksgiving turkey…



As a blunt object to fend off your pesky cousins with.



As a projectile to throw at the TV after Kathie Lee says, Arent they a wonderful band! for the 25th time.



As a hood ornament.



As a disguise so your ugly Aunt Beatrice cant kiss you and say, How much youve grown!



As a football for the after-meal game.



One word… bowling!



As yet another object to drop from the top of the dorm to test the range of the splatter upon impact.



As a gift/bribe for a professor.



As a Christmas gift (avoid the holiday crowds this way!)



As a doorstop to keep your relatives out.



Makes a great doggie chew toy.



Fill it with whip cream – watch the fun.



An unexplored cavern for the new Barbie.



A visual aid to explain to children where babies come from.



Bury in the yard for future midnight snacks.



If youre flying home, take the carcass as a carry-on. See what it looks like in the X-ray machine. Better yet, put it in a pet carrier and asked the flight attendant for some chicken feed.



Wear as a helmet, declaring, Im TURKEYMAN!



Before serving, paste feathers on the poor naked creature.



Secretly replace with Folgers turkey crystals.



Place a speaker inside the bird, and from another room, amaze your guests with this talking foul!



Throw the turkey out the window yelling, Youre FREE! Fly! FLY!



Two words: Turkey puppet.



Toss the carcass into a turkey farm to intimidate next years stock.



Attach to a fishing pole, slowly drive around the neighborhood in the back of a pickup and see how many dogs follow you.



From a concealed location, toss in front of a passing car. When they stop, run out screaming that they hit your dog!



As in an old murder mystery, question all the dinner guests in an attempt to discover who killed the guest of honor.

20
Dec

Pantsy Golfer

Q: Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of pants?



A: Just in case he got a hole-in-one!

20
Dec

Playing with Grandpa

A sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy gets up and walks over to his Grandpa and says, Grandpa, please make a frog noise.

The Grandpa says, No.



The little boy goes on, Please .. please make a frog noise.



The Grandpa says, No, now go play.



The little boy then says to his sister, Go tell Grandpa to make a frog noise.



So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, Please make a frog noise.



The Grandpa says, I just told your brother no and Im telling you no.



The little girl says, Please .. please Grandpa make a frog noise.



The Grandpa says, Why do you want me to make a frog noise?



The little girl replied, Because mommy said when you croak we can go to Disney World!