An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver, Colorado, for being smart and funny and making her point when confronted with an angry passenger. During the final days at Denvers old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.



Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.



The agent replied, Im sorry sir. Ill be happy to try to help you, but Ive got to help these folks first, and Im sure well be able to work something out.



The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, Do you have any idea who I am?



Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. May I have your attention please? she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate.



With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, F— you!



Without flinching, she smiled and said, Im sorry, sir, but youll have to stand in line for that, too.



The crowd applauded – and the errors of United were forgotten in a moment of almost universal bliss.

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

A: Her IQ goes up!

Whats the difference between mathew kelly and acne.?



Acne waits till u r a teenager before it cumes all over face.

Q: How many roadies does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One Two, One Two, One Two …

A young woman visiting the local zoo is grabbed by the gorilla and is dragged into his cage, whereupon she is savagely raped.

In the hospital, her girl friend asked her, Poor thing, how do you feel?

She answered, Horrible… He doesnt call… He doesnt write.

There were two friends Santa & Banta. Once Snata was ill & admitted to hospital & Banta went to saw him. They were talking & suddenly Santas health started to collapse. He asked Banta for a pen by his hand expressions & a paper Banta gave it & Santa wrote something gave it to Banta & died.
Banta thought that it wpnt be good to read it now so I will read it in the funeral.
In the funeral he gave the paper to Santas wife thinking that it will have something inspirational for Banta, & so he told Santas wife to read it.

When she read it what was written was- Banta you are standing on my Oxygen tube

Conductor: Again from measure 5, if you please.
Voice from viola section: But Maestro, we have no measure numbers.

Michael Jacksons business partner has bought part of TWA, and now says hes going to have Michael redesign some of the planes. Michael says he wants the planes to be all white with smaller noses. (OBrien)

When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.

Youre wrong, officer, its only my hat that makes me look that old.

Llega un mortal al cielo y le pregunta a Dios: Dios, ¿cuánto tiempo es para ti mil años?

Dios contesta: Hijo mío, eso es para mí como un segundo.

El hombre se queda pensado y luego le pregunta: Y ¿cuánto sería para ti un millón de dólares?

Dios contesta: Eso sería como un centavo.

El hombre pensado todo eso le dice a Dios: Dios ¿por qué no me regalas un centavo?

Dios responde: Sí, cómo no, en un segundo…