Old and New Jokes

For more than 30 years, New York magazine has run a contest in which contestants take a well-known foreign language expression, change a single letter, and provide a definition for the new expression. Here are some favorites.

Harlez-vous français?
CAN YOU DRIVE A FRENCH MOTOCYCLE?

Cogito Eggo Sum.
I THINK; THEREFORE I AM A WAFFLE.

Rigor morris.
THE CAT IS DEAD.

Repondez-vous sil vous plaid.
HONK IF YOURE SCOTTISH.

Que sera serf.
LIFE IS FEUDAL.

Posh mortem.
DEATH STYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS.

Pro Bozo publico
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL CLOWN.

Apès Moe le deluge.
LARRY AND MOE GOT WET.

Haste cuisine.
FAST FRENCH FOOD.

Veni, vidi, vice.
I CAME, I SAW, I PARTIED.

Mazel ton.
TONS OF LUCK.

Aloha oy.
LOVE; GREETINGS; FAREWELL; FROM SUCH A PAIN YOU SHOULD NEVER KNOW.

Visa la France.
DONT LEAVE YOUR CHATEAU WITHOUT IT.

Létat, cest moo.
IM BOSSY AROUND HERE.

Cogito, ergo spud.
I THINK, THEREFORE I YAM.
(OK, more than 1 letter.)

Veni, vidi, velcro
I CAME, I SAW, I STUCK AROUND.
(OK, another exception.)

Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Well, it depends upon the platform on which one stands!

Entra un tipo en una droguería y le dice al dependiente: Me da 200 bolitas de alcanfor para acabar con la polilla.

El dependiente le objeta: ¡pero hombre, con un par de bolitas tienes de sobra!

Es por si fallo, responde el palurdo.

Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand. The data is later entered later by a into their database by a clerk.

One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the clerk called the farmer directly.



Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs? sheasked.



Yeth. lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the clerk entered: Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs.

Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?

A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

39. Paint your half of the room black.

Of all forces acting on man, change is the most beneficial and the most cruel.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: How do you get 11 violinists to play in tune?

A: Shoot 10 of them.

Theres the story about the man that walks into a house of ill repute in Reno and says, Ill give $20,000 to any woman here wholl come into the desert with me and do it MY way.

One of the ladies agrees, and off they go driving into the desert. After about an hour she gets curious, and asks him Just what is your way?

On credit.