A lawyer cross-examined the adversarys main witness. You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edwards house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?

Objection, your honor, shouted the other lawyer.

There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question was proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge allowed it.

So, the first lawyer continued, Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?

Nothing, said the witness. No one was home.

How can one believe in survival of the fittest when you look at
some of the people running around in jogging shorts?

Llega un tipo al médico y le dice: Doctor, tengo un problema: me tiro pedos, pero éstos salen sin olor.

Ah, interesante caso, a ver, tírese un pedo, dice el galeno.

El tipo casi derrumba la oficina del facultativo con el tremendo pedo que se tiró.

¡Uf, vamos a tener que operar!

¿Del potito?

¡¿Del potito?! ¡De las narices, hediondo de mierda!

Venancio consiguió trabajo pintando las rayas del asfalto. Cierto día se le acerca el jefe y le reclama:

Venancio, has trabajado muy bien los primeros días, pero últimamente has bajado mucho tu calidad. Empezaste muy bien y ahorita andas muy abajo de tu promedio: la primer semana pintaste un kilómetro; la segunda semana 600 metros; la tercer semana 400 metros, y últimamente sólo has pintado 200 metros, ¿qué te ha pasado?

Responde muy enojado Venancio:

¡Hombre, que cada vez me queda más lejos el bote de pintura!

Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action. — Catch-22

Ive got to stop getting fired like this. People will start to think Im a drifter. – Lee Iacocca

If it doesnt make sense, its either economics or psychology.

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods…
Cats have never forgotten this.

Heres proof that Cats are smarter than dogs…

You cant get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.Dogs come when theyre called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God!Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.

I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat… I miss him sometimes.

Cats arent clean, theyre just covered with cat spit!

·There would be 10 times as many people in the ship

·There would be a song with Kate Winslett in a white sari, singing in the rain.

·By the end of the movie, hero would find his long lost Mom, Dad, sis and bhai

·It would be a seven-and-a-half-hour movie with three intervals. The movie would be called Pyar Kiya to Marna Kya?

·The hero and the heroine would float in the cold water for days and still survive while the villain would die in the first few drops.

·The iceberg was sent by the heroine’s father to teach a lesson to the hero.

·None of the women would float because of the saris.

·The orchestra would play Jai Santoshi Maa and a ray of light would come and transport the musicians to another ship.

·And can you imagine how many times we would hear bachaoo?

A survey has found that about 90% of all Hallmark greeting cards are purchased by women. In order to attract more males to buy and exchange greeting cards, the following are some greeting card suggestions created to attract more male buyers:

Cover picture: Dim, misty, moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: Condolances Inside caption: …on the loss of your remote control.

Cover picture: Nostalgic picture of a young couple strolling through a field holding hands. Cover caption: Darling, as we go into our 10th year together… Inside caption: I swear Ill leave my wife soon!

Cover picture: Gold-leafed picture of a vase of red roses. Cover caption: Get well soon, darling! Inside caption: This house doesnt clean itself!

Cover picture: Two men standing on lush golf course, one of them ready to putt. Cover caption: To my golf partner… Inside caption: Just to let you know, Im sleeping with my secretary.

Cover picture: Dark moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: In sympathy, Im sorry to hear the news… Inside caption: That youve been beaten senseless again in another bar fight.

Cover picture: Norman Rockwell-ish painting of a young girl picking daisies. Cover caption: To the daughter that I love… Inside caption: No daughter of mine is leaving this house dressed like a slut!

Cover picture: Misty photo of a couple embracing and kissing. Cover caption: To my wonderful wife…I know weve had a little disagreement Inside caption: But please dont cut off my sex organ as I sleep tonight!

Cover picture: Photo of two men shaking hands. Cover caption: Congratulations and the best of luck! Inside caption: To the installation of your new hair plugs!