Aman walks into a doctors and says



Doctor,Doctor i have a strewbery stuck up my ass





The doctor replies





Here have some cream.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

45. Always flush the toilet three times.

There is no problem a good miracle cant solve.

Whats the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?

A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will
be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy.

In a family the great-grandfather, grandfather, father and the son who was a little child were all found to be liars. However, since the great-grandfather was a politician, it was in his nature to tell lies, since the grandfather was a lawyer, he was professionally required to tell lies, and since the father was a doctor, he had to lie patients. Only the poor child seemed to have no excuse.

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, What are the grounds for your divorce?

She replied, About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.

No, he said, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

It is made of concrete, brick and mortar, she responded.

I mean, he continued, What are your relations like?

I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husbands parents.

He said, Do you have a real grudge?

No, she replied, We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.

Please, he tried again, is there any infidelity in your marriage?

Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We dont necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.

Maam, does your husband ever beat you up?

Yes, she responded, about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, Lady, why do you want a divorce?

Oh, I dont want a divorce, she replied. Ive never wanted a divorce.

My husband does. He said he cant communicate with me.

An Englishman, an Aussie and a Scotsman are sitting in a pub, quaffing a few
nut-brown ale. While theyre sitting around blankly staring at their mugs,
three flies buzz down from the ceiling and lazily circle each drinker.
Suddenly buzzzplooop, each fly does a kamakazi dive into a different glass.

The Englishman gives a disgusted look at his pint, dips the fly out with a
spoon, flicks it over his shoulder, and drains the glass.

The Aussie notices the fly as he puts the glass to his lips. With a quick puff
he blows the bug out in a cloud of foam, and tosses the beer down in one gulp.

They both look on amazed as the Scotsman carefully grasps the fly by its wings,
gently lifts it and shakes it off. Then he says to the fly in a quiet voice,
There yare now laddie, SPIT IT OOOOT!

Ken.

What do snowmen have that snowwomen dont?

Snowballs!