A Jew was walking on Regent Street in London and stopped in to a posh gourmet food shop. An impressive salesperson in morning coat with tails approached him and politely asked, May I help you, Sir?

Yes, replied the customer, I would like to buy a pound of lox.

No. No, responded the dignified salesperson, You mean smoked salmon.

Okay, a pound of smoked salmon.

Anything else?

Yes, a dozen blintzes.

No. No. You mean crepes.

Okay, a dozen crepes.

Anything else?

Yes. A pound of chopped liver.

No. No. You mean pate.

Okay, said the Jewish patron, A pound of pate. And, he added, Id like you to deliver this to my house next Saturday.

Look, retorted the indignant salesperson, We dont schlep on Shabbos.

Why are men like paper cups?

Theyre dispensable.

There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the doctor.

The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine.

The next day the doctor called and the wife answered.

Im going to need to run a few more tests, the doctor said.

Im going to need a semen, urine and a fecal sample.

After she hung up the husband asked, What did the doctor say?

He needs a pair of your underwear