Knock Knock
Whos there?
Egbert!
Egbert who?
Egbert no bacon please!

Why do [ethnics] wear long dresses?

To hide the pest strips.

Heisenberg may have been here.

The last 10 things any man would ever say

I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
While Im up, can I get you a beer?
I think hairy butts are really sexy.
Her tits are just too big.
Sometimes I just want to be held.
That chick on Murder, She Wrote gives me a woody.
Sure Id love to wear a condom.
We havent been to the mall for ages, lets go shopping and I can
hold your purse.
Fuck Monday Night Football, lets watch Murphy Brown.
I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask directions.

The last 10 things any woman would ever say

Could our relationship be more physical? Im tired of just being
friends.
Go ahead and leave the seat up, its easier for me to douche that
way.
I think hairy butts are really sexy.
Hey, get a whiff of that one.
Please dont throw that old t-shirt away, the holes in the armpit
are just too cute.
This diamond is way too big.
I wont even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
Wow, it really is 14 inches!
Does this make my butt look too small?
Im wrong, you must be right again.

Theres a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.


In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.

yo mama is so fat she went on a elevator


she pressed up it went down

A guy met a girl at a nightclub and she invited him back to her place for the night. She still lived with her parents, but they were out of town, so this was the perfect opportunity.



They got back to her house and they went into her bedroom. When guy walked in the door, he noticed all sorts of fluffy toys. Theres hundreds of them; fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill – theres more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the bed.



Later, after theyve had sex, the guy turned to her and asked, So, how was I ?



She replied, Well, you can take anything from the bottom shelf.

Catfish.

Herring aids

* If the enemy is in range, so are you

Incoming fire has the right of way

Dont look conspicuous; it draws fire

There is always a way

That way is always mined

Try to look uminportant; they might be low on ammo

What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank

Teamwork is essential; it gives them someone else to shoot at

If orders can be misunderstood they will be

The tank is a monument to the inaccuracy of indirect fire

Odd objects attract fire. You are odd

Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud

Mine fields are not neutral

If theyre shooting at you, its a high intensity conflict

The weight of your equipment is proportional to the cube of the time you have been carrying it

The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack

If your attack is going well, its an ambush

Never draw fire, it irritates those around you

When you have secured an area, dont forget to tell the enemy

Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder

Friendly fire isnt

Never stand when you can sit

Never sit when you can lie down

Never stay awake when you can sleep

A grenade with a 7 second fuse will always burn in 4 seconds

The enemy never watches until you make a mistake

Whenever you are low on ammo, you can never hit anything

The more a weapon costs, the further you will have to send it to be repaired

Interchangeable parts are not

The item you need is always in short supply

The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of its operator

No combat ready group ever passes inspection

No inspection ready group ever survives combat

Peace is our profession, mass murder is just a hobby

All battles are fought at the junction of two or more maps

Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together

If you need an officer in a hurry take a nap

Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both

Tracers work both ways

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire

The effective killing radius is greater than the average soldier can throw it

Military intelligence is a contradiction of terms