These three friends, a Dentist, a Carpenter, and an Electrician were sitting around trying to decide what prank to pull on a mutual friend. Their friend was getting married soon, and his good buddies just felt compelled to play some prank, as all good buddies would.

After sitting around brainstorming for a while, the Electrician had a thought, I know! I know! I can wire the bed so that when our friend and his new bride sit on it and touch one another, theyll get a good shock.

The Carpenter perked up and added, and I can rig the bed so that when they get shocked and jump apart, the bed will collapse.

The Dentist just sat in silence, because he couldnt think of a thing to do.

After the fortunate couples wedding and honeymoon, the groom called his friends together for a chat. He said to them, Well, when we sat on the bed and got a shock, it wasnt that bad. And then when we jumped apart and the bed fell in, we had a good laugh. But whos bright idea was it to put the Novacaine in the Vaseline?!?!?!?!?

Date: 3rd May 0023

TO:

Messrs Matthew, Mark, Luke & John (Publishers).

13a Sandy Wasteland Square,

Just Next to the Pizza Hut,

Judea.

Dear Sirs,

It is Mr. Christs understanding that you are planning to write and publish a biography of him in the near future. Such a biography would, he is sure you would realise, be entirely unauthorised and if it were published in the form you suggest he would be forced to take the matter up with the highest authority.

However he can fully understand your wish to write about his life and will sanction such a project a number of conditions:

That the title of the book be The Holy Bible and not as you propose, Hot and Salty – Our Sexy Saviors Saucy Story.

That you do not mention the name of his natural Father (Elvin Roxenby-Toke) who, for legal reasons, contests paternity. He suggest you utilise the virgin birth scenario. Mr. Christ realises that this is entirely ludicrous but suggests that no-one ever went bust underestimating the credibility of the average religious zealot.

That all references to the incident involving the members of members of the Bethlehem Boys Club, olive oil and a wooden spoon to be exised forthwith.

That the death scene to be pepped up as it were. The actual circumstances that you mention are simply not dramatic enough. An accident with a wine jar and a stray fish just does not have the theatrical impact of say, a crucifixion with the full atmospheric effects of a large cast.

That the book not to be dedicated, as it is at the moment, to My dearest Wooly-Boo with all my love, squiggles.

That a fictional character, possibly a twelfth disciple, be introduced to give him away to the authorities. The reality of the case, that he was shopped by his Mother and done for indecent exposure, should on no account be discussed.

And the so called Parable of the Leather Undergarment be removed or at least modified.

As long as these guidelines are followed he can see no reason why you should not write and publish your proposed biography although he doesnt see it as a success himself. He informs me that he enjoyed your previous books, especially Murderburger Hell-High and Slutslaughter – Slashin the Winded. Your suggested biography of him appears to be in the same vein and it is for this reason that he must reject your offer of a profit sharing scheme in return for his appearing to promote the book. In any case Mr. Christ is at the moment fully occupied with his promotion for Shake n Vac.

Yours sincerely.

Adam G Smith.

pp Jesus H Christ.

Recently, I was at a professional football game supporting my favorite team. My seat wasnt the greatest, so when i noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if the seat was taken. He replied, No.

I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the seat I was in. He said, My wife use to love to come to these games until she died.

Why didnt you give this seat away to a friend? I asked.

He replied, Because they are all at her funeral.

There was a young lady named Gloria

whod been had by Sir Gerald Di Maurier,

and then by six men,

Sir Gerald again,

and the band at the Waldorf-Astoria.

Lyles Joke Boutique.

There was a man who was throwing a party at his house when suddenly and unexpectedly the devil showed up.

All of the people at the party started running out of the house except for the one man who was throwing the party.

The devil asked the man, Why arent you running away like the rest of those fools?

The ran replied, Are you kidding? Why should I?

Ive been married to your sister for 28 years!

What do Rubicks Cubes and penises have in common?

The more you play with them, the harder they get.

Q:What do you call a blonde with hair dyed brunette

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A: Artificial Intelligence

En su fiesta de despedida de soltero, un tipo se emborracha y tiene un accidente en su miembro con una puerta. Lo llevan de emergencia a un hospital y el médico decide entablillarlo.

Al día siguiente, en la noche de bodas, la esposa le dice:

¡Mi amor, me conserve virgen para ti!

Entonces el marido se destapa y dice:

¡Mira, mi amor, está sin desembalar!

Una mujer y su hijita van a visitar la tumba de la abuela. Cuando vuelven a la casa, la nenita le pregunta:

¡Mamá, mamá! ¿A veces entierran a más de una persona en una misma tumba?

¡Por supuesto que no! ¿de dónde sacaste esa idea?

En la tumba de al lado de la de la abuela decía: Aquí se encuentra enterrado un abogado y una buena persona.

A young man walked up and sat down at the bar. What can I get you? the bartender inquired.



I want 6 shots of Jagermeister, responded the young man.



6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?



Yeah, my first blowjob, the man answered.



Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house.



No offense, sir. But if 6 shots wont get rid of the taste, nothing will.